It’s time again…
You remember that in
2013, the WeMakeItRain staff came up with the idea of a draft to determine the best
episode of the ESPN 30 for 30 series. After some debate, we ranked early episodes
of the series from best to "I didn't even care that happened" using a
snake draft. In 2023, we decided to bring the draft back to determine the best
episode of Chappelle’s show. Both drafts were ridiculous and angered loved
ones, so we documented them here.
Continuing with the
theme of big, irrelevant, time-consuming things that only make sense to a few
people, the staff thought we should rank the greatest college sports
traditions. Maybe our best idea. We drafted those last year and they are documented
here.
So, what could we do
next? Obviously, we needed to amp up the ridiculousness and obscurity to a
whole other level!
Several weeks ago,
Pepster and Sinickal were in Germany to support a family member running the
Berlin Marathon. Overall, it was a fun trip that featured a lot of site-seeing,
very good food, museum visits and, you guessed it, another draft! And since we
were abroad, the decision to draft the greatest German athletes seemed like a
no brainer.
That brings me back
to the title of this post. Why “Ich verstehe nur Bahnhof” you ask? Well, the
German phrase literally translates to “I only understand train station,” and is
taken to generally mean “I am unable to understand what is being said.”
THIS explains
Sinickal in this draft! Unable to understand most of what is going on. Sure, I
did my research on as many Germans or people that I think might actually be German
based on other circumstances in preparation, but Pepe arrived with a wealth of information about people I had never even heard of. In fact, I believe he made a few of them up.
Okay, maybe they all are
real people. However, like me, I don’t believe that most of our audience will
recognize many names in this list.
With that, on to the
draft of the Best German Athletes!
The rules for the
draft were simple. We flipped a coin to determine the first pick with a snake
draft following for what we consider to be the top 40 German Athletes. The “athletes’
are broadly defined for a wide range of sports, but must be German or of German
descent. Quite honestly, if you are unfamiliar with some of these, you should
go look them up.
Sinickal won the coin
toss for this draft and picked first. The results are presented in reverse order
from 40th to 1st:
40. Olaf Kolzig (Ice Hockey)
39. Satou Sobali (Women’s Basketball)
38. Maria Hofl-Riesch (Alpine Skiing)
37. Martin Schmitt (Alpine Skiing)
36. Franz Wagner (Men’s Basketball)
35. Miraslov Klose (Soccer)
34. Philip Lahm (Soccer)
33. Dennis Schroder (Men’s Basketball)
32. Sebastian Vollmer (Football)
31. Felix Loch (Luge)
30. Fransceco Friedrich (Bobsled)
29. Lothar Matthaus (Soccer)
28. Sebastian Vettel (Formula One)
27. Anna Freisinger (Speed Skating)
26. Georg Hackl (Luge)
25. Uwe Von Schamann (Football)
24. Andre Lange (Bobsled)
23. Maria Koch (Track and Field)
22. Wolfgang Hoppe (Bobsled)
21. Martin Kaymer (Golf)
20. Magdalena Neuner (Biathlon)
19. Manuel Meuer (Soccer)
18. Birgit Fischler (Canoe)
17. Gerd Muller (Soccer)
16. Ernie Stautner (Football)
15. Heike Drechsler (Track and Field)
14. Natilie Geisenberger (Luge)
13. Bernhard Langer (Golf)
12. Jesse Owens (Track and Field)
11. Isebel Werth (Equestrian)
Before we get to the
Top 10, I should make a few comments on this draft. First, the 12th
pick by Sinickal should raise some eyebrows. Afterall, isn’t Jesse Owens
American? Sure. But the pick of Isebel Werth at 11 by Pepster led to the
conclusion that we were already thin in German athletes and Sinickal believes
that in today’s culture, Hitler would have tried to claim credit for his 1936
Olympic performance.
Second, you might
notice some trends in here with regard to how Pepster and Sinickal viewed the
draft. Pepster’s draft prioritizes achievement in the chosen sport. As an
example, we can re-visit Isebel Werth. Google her! She is as accomplished as
anyone in this list despite the fact that Sinickal STILL may have never heard
of her.
Sinickal’s draft
prioritizes impact in more of the mainstream. Drafting someone like Uwe Von
Schamann, a kicker with the Miami Dolphins is more about impact on high
visibility sports followed full time by fans. I don’t think there is a “right”
way to do a draft like this, and it really doesn’t matter anyway since it is
our draft.
10. Jan Ullrich
(Cycling) – Despite a complicated legacy, Jan Ullrich had an extremely
accomplished cycling career highlighted by winning the 1997 Tour de France, the
1999 Vuelta a Espana, and gold and silver medals at the 2000 Olympics. Ullrich
retired from cycling in 2007 after being banned from the Tour de France under
speculation of doping. However, Jan made cycling a thing in Germany.
9. Detlef Schrempf
(Basketball) – Born in Germany, but raised in the United States, Schrempf was
a three-time NBA All-Star and two-time NBA Sixth Man of the Year. He played 16
years in the NBA for three teams, reaching the NBA finals with the Seattle
SuperSonics. He also represented West Germany in the Olympics and was inducted
into the FIBA Hall of Fame in 2021
8. Jurgen
Klinsmann (Soccer) – Sinickal made this pick for his fame as the US National
Team coach, but his career is quite impressive. He played in the 1990 FIFA
World Cup with the German national team. He is the second German footballer to
hold the record for the most goals in a World Cup. He made more than 200
appearances in Bundesliga with more than 100 goals. He went on to be the coach
of the German national team in 2004. Then again in 2006, finishing third in the
world cup. Pepster believes this was too high for him.
7. Claudia
Pechstein (Speed Skating) – Sinickal’s reaction to Pepster’s pick was “WHO?”
Yeah, this was the point in the draft when Sinickal realized he didn’t know if
he could get to 40 picks. However, Google Claudia! Damn. Nine Olympic medals. Five
gold, two silver, and two bronze, and she was the most successful Olympic speed
skater, male or female, of all time until 2018. She is also the successful
German winter Olympian of all time. Of course, she wouldn’t be a successful
German without a doping scandal. She was banned from all competitions for two
years after the 2009 World Championships.
6. Franz
Beckenbauer (Soccer) - Widely considered Germany's greatest Futbol player,
a World Cup winner as a player and coach, and a key player in winning the 1974
World Cup. Sinickal knew who this was and also had him in the top 10 on his
draft board.
5. Michael
Schumacher (Formula One) - Probably the right spot from both Sinickal and
Pepster for this pick. Schumacher was ridiculous. He won a record-setting seven
Formula One World Drivers' Championship titles, and—at the time of his
retirement—held the records for most wins (91), pole
positions (68), and podium finishes (155), while he maintains the
record for most fastest laps (77). He was voted the most influential
person in Formula One history in 2020, was the highest paid athlete in the world
in 1999 and 2000, and was the first athlete billionaire in 2005.
4. Boris Becker
(Tennis) - Pepe had him lower (“I had him 10”). Sinickal obviously
disagreed. Why? Becker is considered one of the greatest tennis players of all
time, winning 49 career singles and 15 doubles titles, including six
singles majors: three Wimbledon Championships, two Australian
Opens and one US Open. He won 13 Masters titles, an Olympic
gold medal, and led Germany to two Davis Cup titles and is
often credited as the pioneer of power tennis with his fast serve and all-court
game.
3. Katarina Witt (Figure
Skating) – A legend. Period. She won multiple Olympic and World
Championships and dominated figure skating competitions for more than half a
decade. Her dominance is attributed to her use of technical skills, and theatrical
performance that captivated both the audience and the judges.
2. Dirk Nowitzki (Basketball)
- One of the greatest European players ever, NBA MVP, NBA Champion and arguably
the Dallas Mavericks greatest basketball player ever. The evolution of the
Stretch 4 is him. Nikoli Jokic runs because Dirk Nowitzki first walked.
1. Steffi Graf
(Tennis) – This was the number one choice for both Pepster and Sinickal.
The real work in this draft started with Pick #2. She is among the greatest
tennis players of all time, winning 22 Grand Slam titles and getting inducted
into the International Tennis Hall of Fame. Steffi won her first junior tournament
at the age of 6 and in 1988, was the youngest woman to 500 career wins, and became
the third woman to win the grand slam. She also won Olympic Gold in 1988 to
achieve what is referred to as the Golden Grand Slam. No questions who was Number
1 here.
So, there you have
it. Another draft in the books and the staff at WeMakeItRain moves on to find
another draft topic. Until then, look out for us in February when we live blog
the Amtrak Series. We will explain that when we get there.