It’s time again…
You remember that in 2013, the WeMakeItRain staff came up with the idea of a draft to determine the best episode of the ESPN 30 for 30 series. After some debate, we ranked early episodes of the series from best to "I didn't even care that happened" using a snake draft. In 2023, we decided to bring the draft back to determine the best episode of Chappelle’s show. Both drafts were ridiculous and angered loved ones, so we documented them here.
Continuing with the theme of big, irrelevant, time-consuming things that only make sense to a few people, the staff thought we should rank the greatest college sports traditions. Maybe our best idea. We drafted those last year and they are documented here.
So, what could we do
next? Obviously, we needed to amp up the ridiculousness and obscurity to a
whole other level!
Several weeks ago, Pepster and Sinickal were in Germany to support a family member running the Berlin Marathon. Overall, it was a fun trip that featured a lot of site-seeing, very good food, museum visits and, you guessed it, another draft! And since we were abroad, the decision to draft the greatest German athletes seemed like a no brainer.
That brings me back to the title of this post. Why “Ich verstehe nur Bahnhof” you ask? Well, the German phrase literally translates to “I only understand train station,” and is taken to generally mean “I am unable to understand what is being said.”
THIS explains Sinickal in this draft! Unable to understand most of what is going on. Sure, I did my research on as many Germans or people that I think might actually be German based on other circumstances in preparation, but Pepe arrived with a wealth of information about people I had never even heard of. In fact, I believe he made a few of them up.
Okay, maybe they all are real people. However, like me, I don’t believe that most of our audience will recognize many names in this list.
With that, on to the draft of the Best German Athletes!
The rules for the draft were simple. We flipped a coin to determine the first pick with a snake draft following for what we consider to be the top 40 German Athletes. The “athletes’ are broadly defined for a wide range of sports, but must be German or of German descent. Quite honestly, if you are unfamiliar with some of these, you should go look them up.
Sinickal won the coin toss for this draft and picked first. The results are presented in reverse order from 40th to 1st:
40. Olaf Kolzig (Ice Hockey)
39. Satou Sobali (Women’s Basketball)
38. Maria Hofl-Riesch (Alpine Skiing)
37. Martin Schmitt (Alpine Skiing)
36. Franz Wagner (Men’s Basketball)
35. Miraslov Klose (Soccer)
34. Philip Lahm (Soccer)
33. Dennis Schroder (Men’s Basketball)
32. Sebastian Vollmer (Football)
31. Felix Loch (Luge)
30. Fransceco Friedrich (Bobsled)
29. Lothar Matthaus (Soccer)
28. Sebastian Vettel (Formula One)
27. Anna Freisinger (Speed Skating)
26. Georg Hackl (Luge)
25. Uwe Von Schamann (Football)
24. Andre Lange (Bobsled)
23. Maria Koch (Track and Field)
22. Wolfgang Hoppe (Bobsled)
21. Martin Kaymer (Golf)
20. Magdalena Neuner (Biathlon)
19. Manuel Meuer (Soccer)
18. Birgit Fischler (Canoe)
17. Gerd Muller (Soccer)
16. Ernie Stautner (Football)
15. Heike Drechsler (Track and Field)
14. Natilie Geisenberger (Luge)
13. Bernhard Langer (Golf)
12. Jesse Owens (Track and Field)
11. Isebel Werth (Equestrian)
Before we get to the Top 10, I should make a few comments on this draft. First, the 12th pick by Sinickal should raise some eyebrows. Afterall, isn’t Jesse Owens American? Sure. But the pick of Isebel Werth at 11 by Pepster led to the conclusion that we were already thin in German athletes and Sinickal believes that in today’s culture, Hitler would have tried to claim credit for his 1936 Olympic performance.
Second, you might notice some trends in here with regard to how Pepster and Sinickal viewed the draft. Pepster’s draft prioritizes achievement in the chosen sport. As an example, we can re-visit Isebel Werth. Google her! She is as accomplished as anyone in this list despite the fact that Sinickal STILL may have never heard of her.
Sinickal’s draft prioritizes impact in more of the mainstream. Drafting someone like Uwe Von Schamann, a kicker with the Miami Dolphins is more about impact on high visibility sports followed full time by fans. I don’t think there is a “right” way to do a draft like this, and it really doesn’t matter anyway since it is our draft.
10. Jan Ullrich (Cycling) – Despite a complicated legacy, Jan Ullrich had an extremely accomplished cycling career highlighted by winning the 1997 Tour de France, the 1999 Vuelta a Espana, and gold and silver medals at the 2000 Olympics. Ullrich retired from cycling in 2007 after being banned from the Tour de France under speculation of doping. However, Jan made cycling a thing in Germany.
9. Detlef Schrempf (Basketball) – Born in Germany, but raised in the United States, Schrempf was a three-time NBA All-Star and two-time NBA Sixth Man of the Year. He played 16 years in the NBA for three teams, reaching the NBA finals with the Seattle SuperSonics. He also represented West Germany in the Olympics and was inducted into the FIBA Hall of Fame in 2021
8. Jurgen Klinsmann (Soccer) – Sinickal made this pick for his fame as the US National Team coach, but his career is quite impressive. He played in the 1990 FIFA World Cup with the German national team. He is the second German footballer to hold the record for the most goals in a World Cup. He made more than 200 appearances in Bundesliga with more than 100 goals. He went on to be the coach of the German national team in 2004. Then again in 2006, finishing third in the world cup. Pepster believes this was too high for him.
7. Claudia Pechstein (Speed Skating) – Sinickal’s reaction to Pepster’s pick was “WHO?” Yeah, this was the point in the draft when Sinickal realized he didn’t know if he could get to 40 picks. However, Google Claudia! Damn. Nine Olympic medals. Five gold, two silver, and two bronze, and she was the most successful Olympic speed skater, male or female, of all time until 2018. She is also the successful German winter Olympian of all time. Of course, she wouldn’t be a successful German without a doping scandal. She was banned from all competitions for two years after the 2009 World Championships.
6. Franz Beckenbauer (Soccer) - Widely considered Germany's greatest Futbol player, a World Cup winner as a player and coach, and a key player in winning the 1974 World Cup. Sinickal knew who this was and also had him in the top 10 on his draft board.
5. Michael Schumacher (Formula One) - Probably the right spot from both Sinickal and Pepster for this pick. Schumacher was ridiculous. He won a record-setting seven Formula One World Drivers' Championship titles, and—at the time of his retirement—held the records for most wins (91), pole positions (68), and podium finishes (155), while he maintains the record for most fastest laps (77). He was voted the most influential person in Formula One history in 2020, was the highest paid athlete in the world in 1999 and 2000, and was the first athlete billionaire in 2005.
4. Boris Becker (Tennis) - Pepe had him lower (“I had him 10”). Sinickal obviously disagreed. Why? Becker is considered one of the greatest tennis players of all time, winning 49 career singles and 15 doubles titles, including six singles majors: three Wimbledon Championships, two Australian Opens and one US Open. He won 13 Masters titles, an Olympic gold medal, and led Germany to two Davis Cup titles and is often credited as the pioneer of power tennis with his fast serve and all-court game.
3. Katarina Witt (Figure Skating) – A legend. Period. She won multiple Olympic and World Championships and dominated figure skating competitions for more than half a decade. Her dominance is attributed to her use of technical skills, and theatrical performance that captivated both the audience and the judges.
2. Dirk Nowitzki (Basketball) - One of the greatest European players ever, NBA MVP, NBA Champion and arguably the Dallas Mavericks greatest basketball player ever. The evolution of the Stretch 4 is him. Nikoli Jokic runs because Dirk Nowitzki first walked.
1. Steffi Graf
(Tennis) – This was the number one choice for both Pepster and Sinickal.
The real work in this draft started with Pick #2. She is among the greatest
tennis players of all time, winning 22 Grand Slam titles and getting inducted
into the International Tennis Hall of Fame. Steffi won her first junior tournament
at the age of 6 and in 1988, was the youngest woman to 500 career wins, and became
the third woman to win the grand slam. She also won Olympic Gold in 1988 to
achieve what is referred to as the Golden Grand Slam. No questions who was Number
1 here.
So, there you have it. Another draft in the books and the staff at WeMakeItRain moves on to find another draft topic. Until then, look out for us in February when we live blog the Amtrak Series. We will explain that when we get there.
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