We here at We Make It Rain not only enjoy golf, but follow it as fans. However, due to its nature, golf doesn't readily avail itself to the blog format, as it is hard to capture the thrillingness and excitement of golf on paper, and unless you have seen me play, it isn't particularly funny. But, I came across something interesting this week. The PGA Qualifying School.
Now, those that follow sports know that Q-School might be the most grueling and mentally taxing event in sports. The golfers that do not earn enough money on the PGA tour in a given year (or win, or earn other exceptions), have to play in one, six round tournament in order to return to the Tour for the following year by finshing in the top 24.
The fact that Q-School finished this week, and the fact that it took place on two courses at Orange County National - Crooked Cat and Panther Lake - two course that I have played multiple times myself, do not in and of themselves make it interesting. (For those that don't know - the two courses are designed completely different, one being more "American" style and the other more "links" oriented). Neither does the fact that Frank Lickliter won after shooting a 29 under 403, or that familiar names (to golf fans anwyay) Carlos Franco and Duffy Waldorf earned their tour cards for next year. (Who knew that they had to go to Q-School)?
What made this year's Q-School interesting was who didn't make it. Think back to 2000, the PGA Championships at Valhalla in Louisville, Kentucky. Tiger had already won the U.S. Open and the British Open. He was looking for three in a row on his way to the "Tiger Slam". He nails a birdie on 18 on Sunday, but is tied when his competitor nails a birdie on 18. Three hole playoff. Tiger birdies the first hole, 16. Both players made incredible pars on 17. Tiger hit a tree twice on his drive, after just hammering his tee shot left. From there, Tiger hit into the left rough, and then into the right bunker. His bunker shot is a thing of beauty as it lands within two feet of the cup. Tap in par. His opponent's approach shot catches the edge of the green, but he has 40 or so feet for birdie, which he narrowly misses. That opponent, who stared down Tiger down the stretch of a major, forcing a playoff, and nearly forcing a second was the immortal Bob May.
And now, in the finicky world of golf, Bob May cannot even play on the PGA Tour next year. He asked if he could come play on the Tour, with the real pros, and after shooting a 13 under 419 and tying for 27th place, the PGA Tour said, "No you may not". (He missed the playoff by one stroke). Welcome to the Nationwide Tour Bob. You will always have your own Valhalla. Remember, it could be worse. You could be Ian Baker-Finch.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Sean Taylor - RIP
As we all now know, Washington Redskins safety and former Miami Hurricane Sean Taylor has died as a result of a gunshot wound to the thigh, which apparently pierced his femoral artery, causing massive blood loss. All reports indicate that he underwent surgery, but never regained consciousness after being picked up by the ambulance. All reports also indicate that he was shot by an intruder inside his home sometime before 1:45 a.m. on Monday morning, the second such intruder within the last 8 days. As far as any more details, they are sketchy at best, nonexistent at worst, and I won't speculate as to any of them at this time.
As the resident fan and expert of the "U" here at We Make It Rain, I feel obliged to describe what this terrible tragedy means to those affiliated with the "U", as well as just fans. Nobody, unless they have been through something this horrific, could ever try to describe what this means to his parents, fiance', 18 month old daughter and assorted family and friends.
Since a lot of people are thinking it, I'll go ahead and get the obligatory, Miami is a bunch of thugs, they recruit thugs, they play like thugs, and act like thugs paragraph out of the way. Yes, a lot of the players that Miami recruits are local, and are raised in rough sections of town. Yes, some of the players were toughs, both on and off the field, prior to and during their tenure at Miami. Yes, some have been involved in incidents of their own making. But let's look at what the media is saying about Taylor. First, he had a weapons charge against him and he plead out to 18 months probation. What really happened: He saw some guys driving around on his ATV's. Taylor's defense was that they stole his ATVs. This probation period meant that he wasn't allowed to have firearms (foreshadowing). He was fined 17 times or so in the NFL. Yes, one of those was for the spitting incident with Michael Pittman, and some were for late hits, but a lot of them were for "uniform violations". Really thuggish there. He missed the rookie symposium. Boy is that awful. Maybe there is something behind the two break-ins at his home, and maybe we will know the full story at some point (only with some good police work), and maybe this was payback for something from Taylor's past (Cue Tupac - "always worried about the payback, from some punk that I roughed up way back"). Nevertheless, all we know is that an intruder was in his room, Taylor grabbed a machete that he kept in his room for protection (A MACHETE!), and then the intruder opened the door and fired 2 shots, with 1 hitting Taylor in the groin. Perhaps if he wasn't on probation, he could have legally kept a gun, and better protected himself, but that is simply conjecture.
Now that the foregoing is out of the way, here is what I remember about Taylor - WOW! He could hit, ball hawk, and always made his biggest plays in the biggest games (what seemed like 90 interceptions against FSU). Since the Monday Night Football slopfest between the Steelers and Dolphins was so bad last night, my buddies and I got into one of those random discussions of, "Who is the best ....... of all time?" When we discussed Miami, as the only Miami fan in the group I spoke first. Russell Maryland, Michael Irvin, Warren Sapp, Sean Taylor, Ed Reed. Those were the first names that came to mind. What company there! He was an absolute stud.
After the 2004 NFL draft, I couldn't stop commenting to my colleagues as we were discussing football, that Sean Taylor was ultimately going to be the best pick in this draft. Now that was some praise, and I truly believed it. I would still believe it if we would have had the opportunity to discuss this draft, and him, a decade later than this. Yes Fitzgerald has been great, Roethlisberger has really developed (with a ring to boot), Steven Jackson looks great, as does Roy Williams, and Jon Vilma "must protect this house", but Taylor was still right there. He was leading the NFC in interceptions with 5, even though he has missed time with an injury. He was a Pro Bowler last year, and showed that he could make the big play and the big hit in the NFL as well. If only the intruder was unarmed, and was simply trying to go across the middle against Taylor - who would have won that battle? I think we know the answer to that question.
This incident signifies an increasingly common occurrence, which remains largely ignored - the targeting of rich African-American athletes. Paul Pierce and Sean Taylor being the best and possibly most notable. The reasoning behind this is most likely money - because, well, they have it. However, this is nothing new in the sporting world. Russian hockey players have stories of family kidnappings for payment, as do Latin American baseball players. Both of these situations went largely ignored by the mainstream media, and possibly even law enforcement, because, well, it would never happen here. Well guess what - it is happening here. Who is to say the underlying reason. Is it purely financial? Probably in some cases. Some punks trying to make a name for themselves? Probably in some cases. Whatever it is, athletes from bad situations and neighborhoods need to learn that they have more at stake than others that are able to survive and grow away from that environment. They simply do not have the luxury of maturing at their own pace that the rest of us might enjoy. Look at the rap community. Most of the general public is not surprised when a rap artist is shot. They figure that it is par for the course in that world (and no, I am not suggesting that it is, or that it should be). These athletes need to grow up and mature much faster than most of the rest of us. Taylor was 24 for crying out loud. 24!!!
This is also another hit to the University of Miami. Miami recruits a lot locally, so a lot of its players have known each other for a long time. Most of the players that move on to the NFL stay local. You might remember a situation a few years ago when Edgerrin James refused to attend voluntary off-season workouts with his Colts teammates. Why? Because he was working out in Miami with his former teammates and current players. It would be difficult to find one team whose players all interconnect with each other like at the "U". Part of that may be the small size of the university itself. Less than 10,000 undergraduates attend college there. Whatever the reason, Miami is a close knit community. This is the third tragedy to affect this community in just over a calender year. Lineman Bryan Pata was shot in the back in the parking lot of his apartment complex. Kevin Everett was injured on a special team's play for the Bills, which almost killed him. Miraculously it looks as if he is going to walk again. Now this. Cynics and idiots would say "well this is what Miami deserves for being thugs". But look at those three tragedies. Thuggishness had nothing to do with them. The only explanation for all three of these incidents is just happenstance. A weird freaky happenstance.
I apologize for the disjointedness of this post, as I didn't really have time to outline and/or edit it, but this is just my ramblings and thoughts for this terrible tragedy.
I will end it by paraphrasing some things that I have heard and/or read elsewhere. The blog Kissing Suzy Kolber gives a weekly NFL award called the Meast of the Week. The Meast comes from a performer who is so good, that they must be half man half beast. This award started with Sean Taylor, and deservedly so. In this situation, Taylor was on probation and probably not allowed to carry firearms. Therefore, when he heard an intruder, he grabbed his machete to try to protect his family. He was shot while doing so, paying the ultimate price in protecting his family, which he did so with much more ferocity than he ever could have protected an end zone. He was the ultimate safety, giving up everything to keep others from his house. Underarmed, and not knowing exactly where the intruder was, he nonetheless sought them out, so that his fiance' and daughter might be saved. Although he is no longer with us, his family is. Now that is a MEAST!!! This might be the best pass breakup Taylor every could have accomplished.
We will remember you at your best, as a phenomenal safety, and as a protector of your family. I will remember you for all the big plays - especially against Florida State.
Rest in Peace Sean Taylor, and all the best to your family and friends.
As the resident fan and expert of the "U" here at We Make It Rain, I feel obliged to describe what this terrible tragedy means to those affiliated with the "U", as well as just fans. Nobody, unless they have been through something this horrific, could ever try to describe what this means to his parents, fiance', 18 month old daughter and assorted family and friends.
Since a lot of people are thinking it, I'll go ahead and get the obligatory, Miami is a bunch of thugs, they recruit thugs, they play like thugs, and act like thugs paragraph out of the way. Yes, a lot of the players that Miami recruits are local, and are raised in rough sections of town. Yes, some of the players were toughs, both on and off the field, prior to and during their tenure at Miami. Yes, some have been involved in incidents of their own making. But let's look at what the media is saying about Taylor. First, he had a weapons charge against him and he plead out to 18 months probation. What really happened: He saw some guys driving around on his ATV's. Taylor's defense was that they stole his ATVs. This probation period meant that he wasn't allowed to have firearms (foreshadowing). He was fined 17 times or so in the NFL. Yes, one of those was for the spitting incident with Michael Pittman, and some were for late hits, but a lot of them were for "uniform violations". Really thuggish there. He missed the rookie symposium. Boy is that awful. Maybe there is something behind the two break-ins at his home, and maybe we will know the full story at some point (only with some good police work), and maybe this was payback for something from Taylor's past (Cue Tupac - "always worried about the payback, from some punk that I roughed up way back"). Nevertheless, all we know is that an intruder was in his room, Taylor grabbed a machete that he kept in his room for protection (A MACHETE!), and then the intruder opened the door and fired 2 shots, with 1 hitting Taylor in the groin. Perhaps if he wasn't on probation, he could have legally kept a gun, and better protected himself, but that is simply conjecture.
Now that the foregoing is out of the way, here is what I remember about Taylor - WOW! He could hit, ball hawk, and always made his biggest plays in the biggest games (what seemed like 90 interceptions against FSU). Since the Monday Night Football slopfest between the Steelers and Dolphins was so bad last night, my buddies and I got into one of those random discussions of, "Who is the best ....... of all time?" When we discussed Miami, as the only Miami fan in the group I spoke first. Russell Maryland, Michael Irvin, Warren Sapp, Sean Taylor, Ed Reed. Those were the first names that came to mind. What company there! He was an absolute stud.
After the 2004 NFL draft, I couldn't stop commenting to my colleagues as we were discussing football, that Sean Taylor was ultimately going to be the best pick in this draft. Now that was some praise, and I truly believed it. I would still believe it if we would have had the opportunity to discuss this draft, and him, a decade later than this. Yes Fitzgerald has been great, Roethlisberger has really developed (with a ring to boot), Steven Jackson looks great, as does Roy Williams, and Jon Vilma "must protect this house", but Taylor was still right there. He was leading the NFC in interceptions with 5, even though he has missed time with an injury. He was a Pro Bowler last year, and showed that he could make the big play and the big hit in the NFL as well. If only the intruder was unarmed, and was simply trying to go across the middle against Taylor - who would have won that battle? I think we know the answer to that question.
This incident signifies an increasingly common occurrence, which remains largely ignored - the targeting of rich African-American athletes. Paul Pierce and Sean Taylor being the best and possibly most notable. The reasoning behind this is most likely money - because, well, they have it. However, this is nothing new in the sporting world. Russian hockey players have stories of family kidnappings for payment, as do Latin American baseball players. Both of these situations went largely ignored by the mainstream media, and possibly even law enforcement, because, well, it would never happen here. Well guess what - it is happening here. Who is to say the underlying reason. Is it purely financial? Probably in some cases. Some punks trying to make a name for themselves? Probably in some cases. Whatever it is, athletes from bad situations and neighborhoods need to learn that they have more at stake than others that are able to survive and grow away from that environment. They simply do not have the luxury of maturing at their own pace that the rest of us might enjoy. Look at the rap community. Most of the general public is not surprised when a rap artist is shot. They figure that it is par for the course in that world (and no, I am not suggesting that it is, or that it should be). These athletes need to grow up and mature much faster than most of the rest of us. Taylor was 24 for crying out loud. 24!!!
This is also another hit to the University of Miami. Miami recruits a lot locally, so a lot of its players have known each other for a long time. Most of the players that move on to the NFL stay local. You might remember a situation a few years ago when Edgerrin James refused to attend voluntary off-season workouts with his Colts teammates. Why? Because he was working out in Miami with his former teammates and current players. It would be difficult to find one team whose players all interconnect with each other like at the "U". Part of that may be the small size of the university itself. Less than 10,000 undergraduates attend college there. Whatever the reason, Miami is a close knit community. This is the third tragedy to affect this community in just over a calender year. Lineman Bryan Pata was shot in the back in the parking lot of his apartment complex. Kevin Everett was injured on a special team's play for the Bills, which almost killed him. Miraculously it looks as if he is going to walk again. Now this. Cynics and idiots would say "well this is what Miami deserves for being thugs". But look at those three tragedies. Thuggishness had nothing to do with them. The only explanation for all three of these incidents is just happenstance. A weird freaky happenstance.
I apologize for the disjointedness of this post, as I didn't really have time to outline and/or edit it, but this is just my ramblings and thoughts for this terrible tragedy.
I will end it by paraphrasing some things that I have heard and/or read elsewhere. The blog Kissing Suzy Kolber gives a weekly NFL award called the Meast of the Week. The Meast comes from a performer who is so good, that they must be half man half beast. This award started with Sean Taylor, and deservedly so. In this situation, Taylor was on probation and probably not allowed to carry firearms. Therefore, when he heard an intruder, he grabbed his machete to try to protect his family. He was shot while doing so, paying the ultimate price in protecting his family, which he did so with much more ferocity than he ever could have protected an end zone. He was the ultimate safety, giving up everything to keep others from his house. Underarmed, and not knowing exactly where the intruder was, he nonetheless sought them out, so that his fiance' and daughter might be saved. Although he is no longer with us, his family is. Now that is a MEAST!!! This might be the best pass breakup Taylor every could have accomplished.
We will remember you at your best, as a phenomenal safety, and as a protector of your family. I will remember you for all the big plays - especially against Florida State.
Rest in Peace Sean Taylor, and all the best to your family and friends.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Friday, November 16, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Bad Football Weekend Diary
I had the distinct, ummm ......, let's call it honor, of being able to spend almost the entire last weekend enjoying football live. The first game was the last game (almost) of the Orange Bowl. I say almost, because apparently Florida International University still has a game or two, but it was the U's last game at the OB. It really wasn't - Miami had already played their last game at the OB, given their inability to show up for the Virginia game, but more on that later. On Sunday, I had the opportunity to watch the Buffalo Bills game against the Miami Dolphins. This was exciting because it is one of the few legitimate opportunities for the Dolphins to win this year. In the interest of full disclosure, I am a staunch Hurricane fan, but I am neither a fan nor a hater of the Dolphins.
This weekend came about because my friends Christian and Debbie S. have Dolphin season tickets, club level, but are also graduates of the University of Virginia. The big group (mostly Virginia fans) was going to rent a bus to the 'Canes game. Since we were doing both games, Christian, Debbie, Hannah (hereinafter "Racecar" - figure it out) and myself were going to drive to Miami, check into the hotel, have the bus pick us up, go to the game, have the bus drop us off at the hotel, then wake up and drive to the Dolphins game. Not a bad plan at all.
Here is what transpired:
Saturday, November 10, 2007
1:45 p.m. - Christian and Debbie pick us up at Racecar's house. I completely forgot that the University of Virginia celebrates football in style. Christian in a coat and tie, Debbie completely dressed up. We get in the car in our T-Shirt and shorts. Side note, Racecar is a Gator. Neither the 'Canes or Gators really celebrate football in the full Southern tradition. Although football is an institution at the University of Florida, and everyone in Gainesville loves UF Football, it isn't as formal as at UVa, or Auburn, etc.
2:55 p.m. - Check in the Hotel.
3:00 p.m. - While changing clothes (different T-Shirt), I start flipping through the television channels to find some college football. I found something much better, Karate Kid II, on Telemundo.
3:01 p.m. - Confirmation that the bus has left West Palm Beach.
3:12 p.m. - To 7-11 for some "refreshments". Although the cooler is packed, that is for Sunday's game. The bus is stocked, but it isn't here yet. Plus, I figured I might be able to find some Hurricane Malt liquor in honor of the game. Wrong. Old English has to do.
3:51 p.m. - After tiring of Spanish language television and some boring college football, I stumble upon I'm Gonna Get You Sucka. What a way to start what was supposed to be a football weekend. I almost want to watch this movie and skip the game. Almost.
4:07 p.m. - Bus arrives. Almost everyone is already tanked. Especially Kyle.
4:17 p.m. - Kyle begins passing out beers to others on the bus. We think he had a few for himself.
This is a good time to mention the mixed drinks on the bus, or shall I say mixed drink. Only one concoction in a water cooler - the Peanut Island Leg Spreader. It also goes by a couple of other names, that due to legal considerations, seriously - no joke, I cannot mention. Just a fascinating potable, and very accurately named. I think Kyle must have had more than his share at this point. More on Kyle later.
5:08 p.m. - Near the Orange Bowl - fans, mostly students, walking by the bus. A couple of the younger guys on the bus are fascinated by two particular young Miami students and can't stop themselves from staring. One of the riders on the bus (I didn't see who said it) says, "Put your Man Boobs on the window to try to impress the Miami girls". Thankfully for all of us, and for the Miami girls, he didn't.
Just mostly generic drinking and enjoying ourselves.
5:46 p.m. - Racecar comes back from the restroom and relays this conversation among two girls that she heard. Girl 1 says that she was going to the Dolphins game tomorrow with a weatherman's son. Girl 2 - "Let it Rain"! We here at We Make It Rain applaud the response!
6:15 p.m. - I decide to use one of the inconveniently positioned facilities outside the tailgate area. While standing in line, I notice someone that honestly looks like a vagrant slumped on the sidewalk leaning against the fence that encloses the "parking area" for the tailgates. About 6 of Metro-Dade's finest are checking on this man. (After some debate about whether he is a man or a woman, we find out that he is in fact a man). One is kicking his legs (the guy is sitting indian style) trying to get a reaction, while another is pouring water on his face. After about a half dozen kicks and two or three pours of water, the man tries to get up. Even though it is incredibly difficult for him, he finally manages to stand (in real time, this whole episode takes about 7 or 8 minutes). When he stands, a couple of the officers give the "Touchdown" sign, and the guy proceeds to fall headfirst onto the sidewalk. Eventually the police move the guy, around the corner against the same fence, where he remains at least until I go into the stadium. Bizarre. Why they didn't arrest him and take him to the drunk tank or at least call for EMS I have no idea. This guy could have hurt himself or someone else. I am surprised that he didn't seriously hurt himself when he fell.
6:23 p.m. - Talk to the people in line around me. The girl in front of me is a UM grad student, who graduated from the University of Vermont. At some point in time, I am able to mention something about how I wasn't particularly worried about being stabbed by a UM fan. She isn't amused, as apparently she was friends with the UVM student that was recently kidnapped and murdered. My humble apologies for upsetting her like that. How could I have known? The older couple behind me mention something about how the line needs to hurry. I mention that I just might stay in for 10 minutes to make them mad. The guy goes, "Don't worry about it. I just walked from Pennsylvania and held it the whole way. What does ten more minutes mean?
This seems like a good time to mention that I was on the bizarre jersey watch. I saw a ton of Michael Irvin, Ed Reed, Ray Lewis, Jeremy Shockey - pros and college jerseys. Then out of nowhere appeared a Yatil Green. Huh? Out of all the talent Miami has produced in the past, Yatil Green?
6:41 p.m. - First noticeably audible playing of Soulja Boy's "Crank That". I figure I should do a running tally. Right now - Soulja Boy Tally is at 1. The White Person Soulja Boy Tally is also at one. Not pretty. If you don't know this song - by all means - check it out. If you don't know what it means - boy are you in for a treat.
6:53 p.m. - Enter the stadium. Great seats - halfway up the bottom section at the 48 yard line. Thanks Christian and Debbie.
Festivities include the announcing of the Miami seniors by none other than Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. His duties include the announcing of one player's major - "Ocean Pictures". Gotta love the "U".
7:14 p.m. - First beer that we pay for inside the stadium. The ID checker is hilarious. Its almost as if he hasn't had anyone order a MGD before.
7:32 - Virginia TD. 7-0.
7:56 - Virginia TD. 14-0.
8:10 - Virginia FG. 17-0.
8:19 - Virginia TD. 24-0. It is officially ugly.
8:30 p.m. - Talking to Christian about the game. We decide Miami needs to run Cooper more. The very next play - Cooper rushes for 25 yards. Is there hope?
8:32 p.m. Nope!
Soulja Boy Tally up to 2.
Time Unknown - Missed Virginia TD getting beer.
Halftime festivities include the honoring of several of Miami's greats: George Mira, Ottis Anderson, Bennie Blades, Russell Maryland, Gino Torretta, Darren Smith and Andre Johnson included.
At this time I figured I should mention that if the U, and Miami, wanted to do it right, then Pitbull should be giving the halftime performance, perhaps with a cameo by Trick Daddy. Will S., Christian's younger brother and a Virginia student, states that the halftime performance basically mirrors UM's game performance.
9:23 p.m. - Another Virginia TD.
9:29 p.m. - Miami's first real play.
9:43 - Go to the concession stand for more beer and a hot dog. When we get there, the concessionaires say that they can't serve beer anymore. (Where was the last call?). They get 2 hot dogs, place them on the counter, and I pull out a $10 bill. The dogs were $4 a piece. The concessionaires then say, sorry, we can only take exact change, and put the dogs back into the warmer. Ridiculous. The fourth quarter just started!!!! Relay this story about 4 dozen times to those back in the seats. No wonder this stadium is being destroyed.
10:35 - Rip up two seats, then see a security guard and a police officer looking right at me. I do the most logical thing, I walk right up to the guard and ask if I can just take the seat. He says, predictably, no. At least they didn't arrest me for ripping the two seats off the bleachers.
10:37 - Our section is now noticeably empty, even for a rout. Notice that reason our section was empty was because of the number of leg spreaders drank by Kyle, who has evacuated his stomach onto the seats about 5 rows in front of us. Move away.
Go back to the bus. Grab a spicy sausage from a vendor along the way.
During the trip to the hotel, Debbie mentions that she thinks the blowout win for Virginia was a good thing, and not just because she wanted them to win. She opines that a blowout by Virginia was the only thing that could deflate the energy from the crowd enough to keep them from rioting. I think I agree.
Time Unknown - Pass Out.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
First thing, We Make It Rain supports all the Veterans from the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard, Merchant Marine and National Guards! THANK YOU!
7:45 a.m. - Racecar's friend, Cheryl, goes into labor in Charleston, South Carolina. Congratulations to you and Jason.
7:46 - 9 a.m. - Not quite awake yet, so time to watch bad tv, which includes Run's House. Great episode in which Diggy has 2 "girlfriends" over to visit constantly. One is white and the other is black. One of them is Ja Rule's daughter. (Guess which one she is). Diggy is 12.
9:04 a.m. - Call from Debbie. We are going to meet for breakfast buffet in 15 minutes. Get dressed. While getting dressed, Alicia Keys video comes on. Racecar notes that "no matter how she tries to present herself, she looks masculine". My response ... "Perhaps its her penis."
9:22 - Breakfast buffet includes steak!!!!! God Bless the Holiday Inn.
10:00 - Christian has an online class until 11.
11:03 - Even though Christian's class is still going on, we pack our stuff into his car, and get ready to go to Dolphin stadium.
11:07 - Christian's class ends.
11:17 - Park at the stadium, set up canopy. Drink beer. Nice Sierra Nevada Pale Ale to start the day.
11:32 - Our cohorts, Kim, Jack, Shannon and Buck arrive. Buck immediately relays his travel conversation which included talk of Cleveland Steamers and "sexcrement". Glad I missed that ride. Worried though, since that car had all of our tailgate food.
11:37 - The tailgate next to us arrives, which includes O.J. McDuffie. Yes, the former NFL great O.J. McDuffie. Well, at least the former Penn State "great" and former NFL "good" O.J. McDuffie. Huge party there. Lots of music. The tunes are good party-starting music- Janet, Blackstreet, lots of old R&B. I then remark to the rest of my group, particularly Racecar, the difference between a Florida tailgate and a Miami tailgate .... more rhythm.
11:41 - Generic guy "fantasy football" talk. I mention that since the Bucs were on a bye, I had to pick up the Bills Defense. One guy who had Lee Evans then says, I guess we are all rooting for the Bills. I reply, I'll take a 3-0 Dolphins score.
Another random jersey watch. There were the typical Bills and Dolphins jerseys. Marino, Ronnie Brown (complete with trick knee), Jason Taylor, Zach Thomas (with and without concussion), Roscoe Parrish, Paul Posluszny, LT. But one particularly took the cake. Your former Secretary of Housing and Urban Development - JACK KEMP!
11:43 a.m. - Soulja Boy Tally is up to 3.
11:45 a.m. - Realize that Buck has gotten sick twice already. In his defense, he was at a wedding the night before. Kyle and Buck - that sounds like a combo to get sick from drinking.
Lots of beer flows.
1:04 - Game starts - nobody really notices.
1:17 p.m. - Jesse Chatman throws up on the field, then is taken to the locker room. Apparently throwing up is the theme for the weekend.
1:34 p.m. - Racecar stubs her toe on the asphalt on the way to get more beers. Breaks off half of her toenail, and cuts into her big toe so much that she will probably need stitches. It really doesn't look pleasant. I fight the urge to pull a Kyle, Buck and Jesse Chatman. Go to the infirmary in section 156.
2:01 p.m. - Return from the infirmary. People question where we were for so long. Reply that we were looking for a quiet place for a quickie, and that we found one in section 156.
2:05 p.m. - Kim and Jack discuss finding section 156.
2:24 p.m. - Kim and Jack realize that Racecar hurt her toe.
2:29 p.m. Kim and Jack just realize that section 156 was the infirmary.
3:03 p.m. - Score is 3-2. Even better than my earlier wish, because the Bills Defense got a safety. Now is probably a good time to mention (WARNING - only actual football analysis of this game) that Chris Kelsey is having one helluva game.
Since the game is so boring - nothing really to report.
3:52 p.m. - A girl in a Marshawn Lynch jersey is taken away in cuffs from section 431. Crowd cheers.
Game ends - mercifully - at least for the fans. Continue the tailgate until the parking lot is empty, or until it starts to rain, whichever comes first.
A big thank you to Christian and Debbie for the tickets and the ride. It was a great weekend, the horrific games notwithstanding.
This weekend came about because my friends Christian and Debbie S. have Dolphin season tickets, club level, but are also graduates of the University of Virginia. The big group (mostly Virginia fans) was going to rent a bus to the 'Canes game. Since we were doing both games, Christian, Debbie, Hannah (hereinafter "Racecar" - figure it out) and myself were going to drive to Miami, check into the hotel, have the bus pick us up, go to the game, have the bus drop us off at the hotel, then wake up and drive to the Dolphins game. Not a bad plan at all.
Here is what transpired:
Saturday, November 10, 2007
1:45 p.m. - Christian and Debbie pick us up at Racecar's house. I completely forgot that the University of Virginia celebrates football in style. Christian in a coat and tie, Debbie completely dressed up. We get in the car in our T-Shirt and shorts. Side note, Racecar is a Gator. Neither the 'Canes or Gators really celebrate football in the full Southern tradition. Although football is an institution at the University of Florida, and everyone in Gainesville loves UF Football, it isn't as formal as at UVa, or Auburn, etc.
2:55 p.m. - Check in the Hotel.
3:00 p.m. - While changing clothes (different T-Shirt), I start flipping through the television channels to find some college football. I found something much better, Karate Kid II, on Telemundo.
3:01 p.m. - Confirmation that the bus has left West Palm Beach.
3:12 p.m. - To 7-11 for some "refreshments". Although the cooler is packed, that is for Sunday's game. The bus is stocked, but it isn't here yet. Plus, I figured I might be able to find some Hurricane Malt liquor in honor of the game. Wrong. Old English has to do.
3:51 p.m. - After tiring of Spanish language television and some boring college football, I stumble upon I'm Gonna Get You Sucka. What a way to start what was supposed to be a football weekend. I almost want to watch this movie and skip the game. Almost.
4:07 p.m. - Bus arrives. Almost everyone is already tanked. Especially Kyle.
4:17 p.m. - Kyle begins passing out beers to others on the bus. We think he had a few for himself.
This is a good time to mention the mixed drinks on the bus, or shall I say mixed drink. Only one concoction in a water cooler - the Peanut Island Leg Spreader. It also goes by a couple of other names, that due to legal considerations, seriously - no joke, I cannot mention. Just a fascinating potable, and very accurately named. I think Kyle must have had more than his share at this point. More on Kyle later.
5:08 p.m. - Near the Orange Bowl - fans, mostly students, walking by the bus. A couple of the younger guys on the bus are fascinated by two particular young Miami students and can't stop themselves from staring. One of the riders on the bus (I didn't see who said it) says, "Put your Man Boobs on the window to try to impress the Miami girls". Thankfully for all of us, and for the Miami girls, he didn't.
Just mostly generic drinking and enjoying ourselves.
5:46 p.m. - Racecar comes back from the restroom and relays this conversation among two girls that she heard. Girl 1 says that she was going to the Dolphins game tomorrow with a weatherman's son. Girl 2 - "Let it Rain"! We here at We Make It Rain applaud the response!
6:15 p.m. - I decide to use one of the inconveniently positioned facilities outside the tailgate area. While standing in line, I notice someone that honestly looks like a vagrant slumped on the sidewalk leaning against the fence that encloses the "parking area" for the tailgates. About 6 of Metro-Dade's finest are checking on this man. (After some debate about whether he is a man or a woman, we find out that he is in fact a man). One is kicking his legs (the guy is sitting indian style) trying to get a reaction, while another is pouring water on his face. After about a half dozen kicks and two or three pours of water, the man tries to get up. Even though it is incredibly difficult for him, he finally manages to stand (in real time, this whole episode takes about 7 or 8 minutes). When he stands, a couple of the officers give the "Touchdown" sign, and the guy proceeds to fall headfirst onto the sidewalk. Eventually the police move the guy, around the corner against the same fence, where he remains at least until I go into the stadium. Bizarre. Why they didn't arrest him and take him to the drunk tank or at least call for EMS I have no idea. This guy could have hurt himself or someone else. I am surprised that he didn't seriously hurt himself when he fell.
6:23 p.m. - Talk to the people in line around me. The girl in front of me is a UM grad student, who graduated from the University of Vermont. At some point in time, I am able to mention something about how I wasn't particularly worried about being stabbed by a UM fan. She isn't amused, as apparently she was friends with the UVM student that was recently kidnapped and murdered. My humble apologies for upsetting her like that. How could I have known? The older couple behind me mention something about how the line needs to hurry. I mention that I just might stay in for 10 minutes to make them mad. The guy goes, "Don't worry about it. I just walked from Pennsylvania and held it the whole way. What does ten more minutes mean?
This seems like a good time to mention that I was on the bizarre jersey watch. I saw a ton of Michael Irvin, Ed Reed, Ray Lewis, Jeremy Shockey - pros and college jerseys. Then out of nowhere appeared a Yatil Green. Huh? Out of all the talent Miami has produced in the past, Yatil Green?
6:41 p.m. - First noticeably audible playing of Soulja Boy's "Crank That". I figure I should do a running tally. Right now - Soulja Boy Tally is at 1. The White Person Soulja Boy Tally is also at one. Not pretty. If you don't know this song - by all means - check it out. If you don't know what it means - boy are you in for a treat.
6:53 p.m. - Enter the stadium. Great seats - halfway up the bottom section at the 48 yard line. Thanks Christian and Debbie.
Festivities include the announcing of the Miami seniors by none other than Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. His duties include the announcing of one player's major - "Ocean Pictures". Gotta love the "U".
7:14 p.m. - First beer that we pay for inside the stadium. The ID checker is hilarious. Its almost as if he hasn't had anyone order a MGD before.
7:32 - Virginia TD. 7-0.
7:56 - Virginia TD. 14-0.
8:10 - Virginia FG. 17-0.
8:19 - Virginia TD. 24-0. It is officially ugly.
8:30 p.m. - Talking to Christian about the game. We decide Miami needs to run Cooper more. The very next play - Cooper rushes for 25 yards. Is there hope?
8:32 p.m. Nope!
Soulja Boy Tally up to 2.
Time Unknown - Missed Virginia TD getting beer.
Halftime festivities include the honoring of several of Miami's greats: George Mira, Ottis Anderson, Bennie Blades, Russell Maryland, Gino Torretta, Darren Smith and Andre Johnson included.
At this time I figured I should mention that if the U, and Miami, wanted to do it right, then Pitbull should be giving the halftime performance, perhaps with a cameo by Trick Daddy. Will S., Christian's younger brother and a Virginia student, states that the halftime performance basically mirrors UM's game performance.
9:23 p.m. - Another Virginia TD.
9:29 p.m. - Miami's first real play.
9:43 - Go to the concession stand for more beer and a hot dog. When we get there, the concessionaires say that they can't serve beer anymore. (Where was the last call?). They get 2 hot dogs, place them on the counter, and I pull out a $10 bill. The dogs were $4 a piece. The concessionaires then say, sorry, we can only take exact change, and put the dogs back into the warmer. Ridiculous. The fourth quarter just started!!!! Relay this story about 4 dozen times to those back in the seats. No wonder this stadium is being destroyed.
10:35 - Rip up two seats, then see a security guard and a police officer looking right at me. I do the most logical thing, I walk right up to the guard and ask if I can just take the seat. He says, predictably, no. At least they didn't arrest me for ripping the two seats off the bleachers.
10:37 - Our section is now noticeably empty, even for a rout. Notice that reason our section was empty was because of the number of leg spreaders drank by Kyle, who has evacuated his stomach onto the seats about 5 rows in front of us. Move away.
Go back to the bus. Grab a spicy sausage from a vendor along the way.
During the trip to the hotel, Debbie mentions that she thinks the blowout win for Virginia was a good thing, and not just because she wanted them to win. She opines that a blowout by Virginia was the only thing that could deflate the energy from the crowd enough to keep them from rioting. I think I agree.
Time Unknown - Pass Out.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
First thing, We Make It Rain supports all the Veterans from the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard, Merchant Marine and National Guards! THANK YOU!
7:45 a.m. - Racecar's friend, Cheryl, goes into labor in Charleston, South Carolina. Congratulations to you and Jason.
7:46 - 9 a.m. - Not quite awake yet, so time to watch bad tv, which includes Run's House. Great episode in which Diggy has 2 "girlfriends" over to visit constantly. One is white and the other is black. One of them is Ja Rule's daughter. (Guess which one she is). Diggy is 12.
9:04 a.m. - Call from Debbie. We are going to meet for breakfast buffet in 15 minutes. Get dressed. While getting dressed, Alicia Keys video comes on. Racecar notes that "no matter how she tries to present herself, she looks masculine". My response ... "Perhaps its her penis."
9:22 - Breakfast buffet includes steak!!!!! God Bless the Holiday Inn.
10:00 - Christian has an online class until 11.
11:03 - Even though Christian's class is still going on, we pack our stuff into his car, and get ready to go to Dolphin stadium.
11:07 - Christian's class ends.
11:17 - Park at the stadium, set up canopy. Drink beer. Nice Sierra Nevada Pale Ale to start the day.
11:32 - Our cohorts, Kim, Jack, Shannon and Buck arrive. Buck immediately relays his travel conversation which included talk of Cleveland Steamers and "sexcrement". Glad I missed that ride. Worried though, since that car had all of our tailgate food.
11:37 - The tailgate next to us arrives, which includes O.J. McDuffie. Yes, the former NFL great O.J. McDuffie. Well, at least the former Penn State "great" and former NFL "good" O.J. McDuffie. Huge party there. Lots of music. The tunes are good party-starting music- Janet, Blackstreet, lots of old R&B. I then remark to the rest of my group, particularly Racecar, the difference between a Florida tailgate and a Miami tailgate .... more rhythm.
11:41 - Generic guy "fantasy football" talk. I mention that since the Bucs were on a bye, I had to pick up the Bills Defense. One guy who had Lee Evans then says, I guess we are all rooting for the Bills. I reply, I'll take a 3-0 Dolphins score.
Another random jersey watch. There were the typical Bills and Dolphins jerseys. Marino, Ronnie Brown (complete with trick knee), Jason Taylor, Zach Thomas (with and without concussion), Roscoe Parrish, Paul Posluszny, LT. But one particularly took the cake. Your former Secretary of Housing and Urban Development - JACK KEMP!
11:43 a.m. - Soulja Boy Tally is up to 3.
11:45 a.m. - Realize that Buck has gotten sick twice already. In his defense, he was at a wedding the night before. Kyle and Buck - that sounds like a combo to get sick from drinking.
Lots of beer flows.
1:04 - Game starts - nobody really notices.
1:17 p.m. - Jesse Chatman throws up on the field, then is taken to the locker room. Apparently throwing up is the theme for the weekend.
1:34 p.m. - Racecar stubs her toe on the asphalt on the way to get more beers. Breaks off half of her toenail, and cuts into her big toe so much that she will probably need stitches. It really doesn't look pleasant. I fight the urge to pull a Kyle, Buck and Jesse Chatman. Go to the infirmary in section 156.
2:01 p.m. - Return from the infirmary. People question where we were for so long. Reply that we were looking for a quiet place for a quickie, and that we found one in section 156.
2:05 p.m. - Kim and Jack discuss finding section 156.
2:24 p.m. - Kim and Jack realize that Racecar hurt her toe.
2:29 p.m. Kim and Jack just realize that section 156 was the infirmary.
3:03 p.m. - Score is 3-2. Even better than my earlier wish, because the Bills Defense got a safety. Now is probably a good time to mention (WARNING - only actual football analysis of this game) that Chris Kelsey is having one helluva game.
Since the game is so boring - nothing really to report.
3:52 p.m. - A girl in a Marshawn Lynch jersey is taken away in cuffs from section 431. Crowd cheers.
Game ends - mercifully - at least for the fans. Continue the tailgate until the parking lot is empty, or until it starts to rain, whichever comes first.
A big thank you to Christian and Debbie for the tickets and the ride. It was a great weekend, the horrific games notwithstanding.
Friday, November 9, 2007
NFL Midseason Review
It's midseason in the NFL already (where did the time go), so as a big NFL fan, it is time to analyze each and every team's season to date. Yes, I know it is now week 10, meaning 9 weeks have been completed, but in those 9 weeks, most teams have only played 8 games, thus midseason. So for those of you dorky math majors - don't call or write about the timing of the midseason review. A lot has changed since the quarter season review, so sit back and enjoy. If you are only a marginal fan, use this quick guide to impress your co-workers with your knowledge. If you are a true fan, there is a good chance that you even know more than me, so please refrain from too many negative comments. I did try to throw in at least one subtle joke per team, but some of the teams themselves are jokes enough.
AFC EAST
New England Patriots (9-0)
Wow. I hate them, but they are good. Does anybody push off defensive backs better than Randy Moss? I don't think so. With Seymour starting to round into form and Harrison back from his suspension for cheating, well, they might only get better.
Buffalo Bills (4-4)
Undefeated since my last entry, and the Bills are doing it by staying close, and finding a way to make 1 or 2 more plays than their opponents. Lee Evans seems to be rounding into Pro Bowl form, and Marshawn Lynch might be the best rookie running back. (Just kidding – we KNOW who that is). Lynch is playing well though. Buffalo could make a surprise run at the playoffs, especially since they get to play the Dolphins.
New York Jets (1-8)
Awful. Just bad. How's that Thomas Jones trade working out? Of course, it isn't working out that great for the Bears either.
Miami Dolphins (0-8)
I don't want to waste any time writing about them. With Ronnie Brown out – they are horrendous with a capital WHORE. With Ronnie Brown in – the are still awful.
AFC NORTH
Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2)
Typical good Steelers team. Tough on both sides of the ball, Parker is running well still, and Santonio Holmes is emerging as an elite receiver. (Plus he is from the actual current greatest high school program in the country – Glades Central High School in Belle Glade, Florida. More current NFL players than any other high school). And Harrison had quite possibly the greatest defensive Monday night football game since Lawrence Taylor broke Theismann's leg. What a performance. And he isn't even one of the biggest names on this defense. Going to be a tough out in the playoffs for sure (and yes, I know that is basically a repeat line – don't bother me about it).
Cleveland Browns (5-3)
Undefeated since the quarter season review. Derek Anderson has definitely put up Pro Bowl caliber play (since the NFL allows you to vote for 3 QBs), and Braylon Edwards joins Kellen Winslow, Jr. as a definite soldier on the offense. Plus, Anderson has kept us from seeing Brady Quinn on the field every week. Lack of a consistent running game and horrific defense may keep this team from going places. Next two games (Pittsburgh and Baltimore) could determine how this team ends up.
Baltimore Ravens (4-4)
Boy are they unwatchable on offense. They just got trounced by Pittsburgh, and they are looking old. Willis McGahee is gaining quite a bit of yards considering teams have now started putting 11 in the box to stop him. Steve McNair might as well be Thomas Hearns right now. How on earth does Derrick Mason have 62 receptions - tied for tops in the NFL (see below entry). On defense, Ed Reed is tied for the league lead in interceptions and Ray Lewis is up to 14th in tackles (tied with the immortal Paris Lenon – quick, name what team he is on).
Cincinnati Bengals (2-6)
A team with such a promising offense is absolutely horrible. TJ Houshmandzadeh has actually put up some numbers and is leading the NFL in receptions, but this team is unwatchable, save for Chad Johnson last week. (If you don't know what I am talking about – please go find a story on Cincinnati's week 9 game – and Yes, I am going to hell).
AFC SOUTH
Indianapolis Colts (7-1)
Played New England incredibly close without Marvin Harrison, who was suspended for the game because of Syracuse's opening game throwback jerseys. (I had to throw that in here, sinickal). They play their division games at home and are basically cruising until playoff time. Joseph Addai has cemented himself as a premier back in this league. He can run, catch, and most importantly for the Colts, block, since the Colts do not have to substitute on passing plays. This makes opposing linebackers have to account for his presence coming out of the backfield. Defense is much improved and that Bob Sanders, and the other defensive backs, can bring the pain.
Tennessee Titans (6-2)
Not pretty, but good. Lendale White is putting up decent numbers (and not just in the buffet line), and no matter what his stats are, tell me you wouldn't want the ball in Vince Young's hands at the end of a close game. Albert Haynesworth is playing like a man possessed and he is playing like he wants a new contract. (Oh yeah – he is in his contract year).
Jacksonville Jaguars (5-3)
Quinn Gray? Are you serious. How did that happen? Is he really better than Tim Couch, who was cut in the preseason? The answer to the question who has delivered the hardest hit this season is … "Maurice Jones-Drew". For those that didn't see it, Jacksonville was pounded by New Orleans, who intercepted a pass in the end zone with no time left. (I don't even want to give that clown the benefit of having his name published here). Even though the game was a blowout and he intercepted the ball in the endzone, Clown decided to run it out where he was summarily planted by Jones-Drew. Nice work. What does that say about a team when their running back has the biggest it?
Houston Texans (4-5)
Surprisingly good despite the fact that you can't name 4 Texans on the active roster. (That means you cannot include Andre Johnson). Demeco Ryans is a certifiable bad ass - leading the AFC in tackles. Please vote him into the Pro Bow.
AFC WEST
They all stink. (But go Priest Holmes – for fantasy reasons).
NFC EAST
Dallas Cowboys (7-1)
Big game with the Giants which should determine the division title. Fighting with Green Bay (huh?) for best record in the NFC. Just beating everyone not named New England right now. Explosive team, and actually fun to watch. For those college football fans that think South Florida came out of absolutely nowhere this year, Anthony Henry, tied for the league lead in interceptions, is a Bull.
New York Giants (6-2)
Can someone explain to me how after having 19 sacks in one game, Osi Umenyora only has 8 for the season? That reminds me of how Alex Brown became a three time All-American defensive end at Florida because he had 3 sacks against Tennessee in the third game of his sophomore year and then proceeded to disappear for 2 ¾ seasons. Travesty. (Quick aside – Eli is the only Manning to beat Florida – and he did it twice). Pass rush is excellent, but they still need to shore up their secondary. Plaxico Burress has cooled a little, but he has done a lot to shed his Plexiglass image this year by playing injured, and playing well.
Washington Redskins (5-3)
They might be the best unwatchable team in the NFL. Hard hitting safeties, but other than that – boring, excepting Clinton Portis press conferences, of course.
Philadelphia Eagles (3-5)
You know you are bad when Andy Reid welcomes the attention about his sons to deflect some of the heat of the season. My best guess is that his sons were dealing to customers who were trying to erase any memory of watching the Eagles this year.
NFC NORTH
Green Bay Packers (7-1)
As much as I hate to give any credit to Brett Favre, as I am a Bears fan, he and his receiving corps are doing an excellent job given the fact that the team runs about as well Stephen Hawking. Jennings is truly emerging, and AJ Hawk is actually as good as they hoped he would be.
Detroit Lions (6-2)
Approaching the ten wins that Kitna predicted before the season. Somehow, they might actually be good. Nothing really more to add here.
Minnesota Vikings (3-5)
Adrian Peterson is the truth. The boys at KSK have dubbed him the "Purple Jesus", and that might be the most accurate description. When I named Dwayne Bowe the first quarter Offensive Rookie of the Year, that was primarily because: (1) somebody had to get credit for Kansas City's surprising start; (2) Childress hardly gave him the ball; and (3) it was before his Chicago game and San Diego game. Now, no contest. Defense is actually stouter than expected as well. Venus and Serena Williams as defensive tackles are brilliant.
Chicago Bears (3-5)
Start Adrian Peterson. The other one.
NFC SOUTH
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-4)
Maybe Jon Gruden can coach. Maybe Jeff Garcia can play. Boy would he look good in a Bears jersey right about now. Of course, half of his past romances would look good in (or out) of a Bears jersey also.
Carolina Panthers (4-4)
Vinny Testaverde? Really – they are banking on Vinny Testaverde? Oh yeah, they do have a defense. Big Beast update – now at 61 tackles. Since I just mentioned two Miami guys, it seems like a good time to mention that I will be at the Virginia – Miami game for the finale of the Orange Bowl. Great stadium (for electricity and crowd noise), great history (Super Bowl III – 1984 Orange Bowl – Doug Flutie [the bastard] – the UM/FIU brawl – the Florida Flop [look it up – one of the biggest acts of unsportsmanlike conduct ever] – countless college championships and stars – five Super Bowls – the 1972 Dolphins) and lots of Hispanics. Horrible location, Horrible amenities, NO PARKING. But still fun.
New Orleans Saints (4-4)
4-0 in their last four games, and practically unstoppable on offense. Good thing they don't have that pesky Deuce McCallister in the game to slow them down.
Atlanta Falcons (2-6)
This team is playing like a bunch of dogs.
NFC WEST
Seattle Seahawks (4-4)
How are they leading the division? I mean it. Can someone explain it to me? Please.
Arizona Cardinals (3-5)
If only they could get big games from Fitzgerald AND Boldin at the same time they might have something. Darnell Dockett shining on defense with his 8 sacks. This division is ripe for the taking.
San Francisco 49ers (2-6)
Wasn't this the team that everyone thought was the sleeper. An improved Alex Smith? Gone. Vernon Davis as a threat? Gone. Darrell Jackson as a number 1 receiver? Dropped – I mean Gone. The only redeeming quality on this team is Patrick Willis who is leading the league in tackles. He will be the first rookie to lead the league in tackles since – well, how the hell should I know that.
St. Louis Rams (0-8)
Did Leonard Little drive the team bus?
MID-SEASON AWARDS
Just so you know for each award I will list 3 names. The first will be the choice of us here at We Make It Rain. The second will be the consensus amongst fans, writers, and other authorities, and the third will be who I would love to vote for that award (even though they may only be on the outside looking in). This excludes Most Improved, since who the hell knows what the consensus is for that.
Offensive MVP - Tom Brady (Brady) (Braylon Edwards)
Defensive MVP - Albert Haynesworth (Bob Sanders) (Patrick Willis or Anthony Henry)
Offensive Rookie of the Year – Adrian Peterson (Peterson) (Peterson) (GAME OVER)
Defensive Rookie of the Year – Patrick Willis (Willis) (Willis) – again GAME OVER
Coach of the Year – Romeo Crennel (who cares)
Most Improved - Santonio Holmes
AFC EAST
New England Patriots (9-0)
Wow. I hate them, but they are good. Does anybody push off defensive backs better than Randy Moss? I don't think so. With Seymour starting to round into form and Harrison back from his suspension for cheating, well, they might only get better.
Buffalo Bills (4-4)
Undefeated since my last entry, and the Bills are doing it by staying close, and finding a way to make 1 or 2 more plays than their opponents. Lee Evans seems to be rounding into Pro Bowl form, and Marshawn Lynch might be the best rookie running back. (Just kidding – we KNOW who that is). Lynch is playing well though. Buffalo could make a surprise run at the playoffs, especially since they get to play the Dolphins.
New York Jets (1-8)
Awful. Just bad. How's that Thomas Jones trade working out? Of course, it isn't working out that great for the Bears either.
Miami Dolphins (0-8)
I don't want to waste any time writing about them. With Ronnie Brown out – they are horrendous with a capital WHORE. With Ronnie Brown in – the are still awful.
AFC NORTH
Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2)
Typical good Steelers team. Tough on both sides of the ball, Parker is running well still, and Santonio Holmes is emerging as an elite receiver. (Plus he is from the actual current greatest high school program in the country – Glades Central High School in Belle Glade, Florida. More current NFL players than any other high school). And Harrison had quite possibly the greatest defensive Monday night football game since Lawrence Taylor broke Theismann's leg. What a performance. And he isn't even one of the biggest names on this defense. Going to be a tough out in the playoffs for sure (and yes, I know that is basically a repeat line – don't bother me about it).
Cleveland Browns (5-3)
Undefeated since the quarter season review. Derek Anderson has definitely put up Pro Bowl caliber play (since the NFL allows you to vote for 3 QBs), and Braylon Edwards joins Kellen Winslow, Jr. as a definite soldier on the offense. Plus, Anderson has kept us from seeing Brady Quinn on the field every week. Lack of a consistent running game and horrific defense may keep this team from going places. Next two games (Pittsburgh and Baltimore) could determine how this team ends up.
Baltimore Ravens (4-4)
Boy are they unwatchable on offense. They just got trounced by Pittsburgh, and they are looking old. Willis McGahee is gaining quite a bit of yards considering teams have now started putting 11 in the box to stop him. Steve McNair might as well be Thomas Hearns right now. How on earth does Derrick Mason have 62 receptions - tied for tops in the NFL (see below entry). On defense, Ed Reed is tied for the league lead in interceptions and Ray Lewis is up to 14th in tackles (tied with the immortal Paris Lenon – quick, name what team he is on).
Cincinnati Bengals (2-6)
A team with such a promising offense is absolutely horrible. TJ Houshmandzadeh has actually put up some numbers and is leading the NFL in receptions, but this team is unwatchable, save for Chad Johnson last week. (If you don't know what I am talking about – please go find a story on Cincinnati's week 9 game – and Yes, I am going to hell).
AFC SOUTH
Indianapolis Colts (7-1)
Played New England incredibly close without Marvin Harrison, who was suspended for the game because of Syracuse's opening game throwback jerseys. (I had to throw that in here, sinickal). They play their division games at home and are basically cruising until playoff time. Joseph Addai has cemented himself as a premier back in this league. He can run, catch, and most importantly for the Colts, block, since the Colts do not have to substitute on passing plays. This makes opposing linebackers have to account for his presence coming out of the backfield. Defense is much improved and that Bob Sanders, and the other defensive backs, can bring the pain.
Tennessee Titans (6-2)
Not pretty, but good. Lendale White is putting up decent numbers (and not just in the buffet line), and no matter what his stats are, tell me you wouldn't want the ball in Vince Young's hands at the end of a close game. Albert Haynesworth is playing like a man possessed and he is playing like he wants a new contract. (Oh yeah – he is in his contract year).
Jacksonville Jaguars (5-3)
Quinn Gray? Are you serious. How did that happen? Is he really better than Tim Couch, who was cut in the preseason? The answer to the question who has delivered the hardest hit this season is … "Maurice Jones-Drew". For those that didn't see it, Jacksonville was pounded by New Orleans, who intercepted a pass in the end zone with no time left. (I don't even want to give that clown the benefit of having his name published here). Even though the game was a blowout and he intercepted the ball in the endzone, Clown decided to run it out where he was summarily planted by Jones-Drew. Nice work. What does that say about a team when their running back has the biggest it?
Houston Texans (4-5)
Surprisingly good despite the fact that you can't name 4 Texans on the active roster. (That means you cannot include Andre Johnson). Demeco Ryans is a certifiable bad ass - leading the AFC in tackles. Please vote him into the Pro Bow.
AFC WEST
They all stink. (But go Priest Holmes – for fantasy reasons).
NFC EAST
Dallas Cowboys (7-1)
Big game with the Giants which should determine the division title. Fighting with Green Bay (huh?) for best record in the NFC. Just beating everyone not named New England right now. Explosive team, and actually fun to watch. For those college football fans that think South Florida came out of absolutely nowhere this year, Anthony Henry, tied for the league lead in interceptions, is a Bull.
New York Giants (6-2)
Can someone explain to me how after having 19 sacks in one game, Osi Umenyora only has 8 for the season? That reminds me of how Alex Brown became a three time All-American defensive end at Florida because he had 3 sacks against Tennessee in the third game of his sophomore year and then proceeded to disappear for 2 ¾ seasons. Travesty. (Quick aside – Eli is the only Manning to beat Florida – and he did it twice). Pass rush is excellent, but they still need to shore up their secondary. Plaxico Burress has cooled a little, but he has done a lot to shed his Plexiglass image this year by playing injured, and playing well.
Washington Redskins (5-3)
They might be the best unwatchable team in the NFL. Hard hitting safeties, but other than that – boring, excepting Clinton Portis press conferences, of course.
Philadelphia Eagles (3-5)
You know you are bad when Andy Reid welcomes the attention about his sons to deflect some of the heat of the season. My best guess is that his sons were dealing to customers who were trying to erase any memory of watching the Eagles this year.
NFC NORTH
Green Bay Packers (7-1)
As much as I hate to give any credit to Brett Favre, as I am a Bears fan, he and his receiving corps are doing an excellent job given the fact that the team runs about as well Stephen Hawking. Jennings is truly emerging, and AJ Hawk is actually as good as they hoped he would be.
Detroit Lions (6-2)
Approaching the ten wins that Kitna predicted before the season. Somehow, they might actually be good. Nothing really more to add here.
Minnesota Vikings (3-5)
Adrian Peterson is the truth. The boys at KSK have dubbed him the "Purple Jesus", and that might be the most accurate description. When I named Dwayne Bowe the first quarter Offensive Rookie of the Year, that was primarily because: (1) somebody had to get credit for Kansas City's surprising start; (2) Childress hardly gave him the ball; and (3) it was before his Chicago game and San Diego game. Now, no contest. Defense is actually stouter than expected as well. Venus and Serena Williams as defensive tackles are brilliant.
Chicago Bears (3-5)
Start Adrian Peterson. The other one.
NFC SOUTH
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-4)
Maybe Jon Gruden can coach. Maybe Jeff Garcia can play. Boy would he look good in a Bears jersey right about now. Of course, half of his past romances would look good in (or out) of a Bears jersey also.
Carolina Panthers (4-4)
Vinny Testaverde? Really – they are banking on Vinny Testaverde? Oh yeah, they do have a defense. Big Beast update – now at 61 tackles. Since I just mentioned two Miami guys, it seems like a good time to mention that I will be at the Virginia – Miami game for the finale of the Orange Bowl. Great stadium (for electricity and crowd noise), great history (Super Bowl III – 1984 Orange Bowl – Doug Flutie [the bastard] – the UM/FIU brawl – the Florida Flop [look it up – one of the biggest acts of unsportsmanlike conduct ever] – countless college championships and stars – five Super Bowls – the 1972 Dolphins) and lots of Hispanics. Horrible location, Horrible amenities, NO PARKING. But still fun.
New Orleans Saints (4-4)
4-0 in their last four games, and practically unstoppable on offense. Good thing they don't have that pesky Deuce McCallister in the game to slow them down.
Atlanta Falcons (2-6)
This team is playing like a bunch of dogs.
NFC WEST
Seattle Seahawks (4-4)
How are they leading the division? I mean it. Can someone explain it to me? Please.
Arizona Cardinals (3-5)
If only they could get big games from Fitzgerald AND Boldin at the same time they might have something. Darnell Dockett shining on defense with his 8 sacks. This division is ripe for the taking.
San Francisco 49ers (2-6)
Wasn't this the team that everyone thought was the sleeper. An improved Alex Smith? Gone. Vernon Davis as a threat? Gone. Darrell Jackson as a number 1 receiver? Dropped – I mean Gone. The only redeeming quality on this team is Patrick Willis who is leading the league in tackles. He will be the first rookie to lead the league in tackles since – well, how the hell should I know that.
St. Louis Rams (0-8)
Did Leonard Little drive the team bus?
MID-SEASON AWARDS
Just so you know for each award I will list 3 names. The first will be the choice of us here at We Make It Rain. The second will be the consensus amongst fans, writers, and other authorities, and the third will be who I would love to vote for that award (even though they may only be on the outside looking in). This excludes Most Improved, since who the hell knows what the consensus is for that.
Offensive MVP - Tom Brady (Brady) (Braylon Edwards)
Defensive MVP - Albert Haynesworth (Bob Sanders) (Patrick Willis or Anthony Henry)
Offensive Rookie of the Year – Adrian Peterson (Peterson) (Peterson) (GAME OVER)
Defensive Rookie of the Year – Patrick Willis (Willis) (Willis) – again GAME OVER
Coach of the Year – Romeo Crennel (who cares)
Most Improved - Santonio Holmes
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
Hollywood Squares Jokes
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, these questions and answers are from the days when 'Hollywood Squares'
game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now.
Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions.
Q. Do female frogs croak??
A. Paul Lynde:If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver (aka Clifford Arquette ): Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.?
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and
you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie : No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver : My sense of decency.
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'??
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.?
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather??
A. Paul Lynde : Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.?
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year??
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.?
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A.Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde : Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet??
A. Rose Marie : Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.?
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A.?Marty Allen?: Only after lights out.?
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A.?Paul Lynde?: Make him bark??
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people??
A.Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A.Paul Lynde : Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A.George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.?
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant??
A. Paul Lynde?: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A.Charley Weaver : I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A.Charley Weaver : His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed
A.Paul Lynde : Point and laugh
game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now.
Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions.
Q. Do female frogs croak??
A. Paul Lynde:If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver (aka Clifford Arquette ): Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.?
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and
you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie : No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver : My sense of decency.
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'??
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.?
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather??
A. Paul Lynde : Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.?
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year??
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.?
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A.Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde : Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet??
A. Rose Marie : Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.?
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A.?Marty Allen?: Only after lights out.?
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A.?Paul Lynde?: Make him bark??
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people??
A.Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A.Paul Lynde : Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A.George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.?
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant??
A. Paul Lynde?: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A.Charley Weaver : I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A.Charley Weaver : His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed
A.Paul Lynde : Point and laugh
Friday, October 12, 2007
NFL Quarter Season Review
As anyone who knows us knows - we are huge NFL fans here at We Make It Rain. And like any good NFL fans, we watch more than our share of games every year. This year is no exception. Since we have all of this NFL knowledge just seething to get out of our craniums, here is our analysis of the first quarter of the NFL season. (Yes I know it is week 5, but with the bye weeks starting in week 4, every team did not play their 4th game until Week 5 - but who is counting, besides me). Plus - I apologize in advance for the spacing in the NFC section. For some reason, all of my adjustments revert back to what you see here.
AFC EAST
New England Patriots (5-0)
New England Patriots (5-0)
It is no surprise that the Pats are undefeated and on top of this division. The Patriots had a tremendous offseason that has worked out perfectly, especially with the Wide Receiver corps. The decision to bring in a top flight WR was pure genius. For the first time in Tom Brady's career, he has a go-to receiver that can make plays on his own and really spark an offense. I am sure that Belicheck and company thank their stars every day that they were able to bring in such a presence as Wes Welker to make the offense really go. He is the man that Brady can look to on every down, and he even frees up the other receiver (Randy Moss) because of the double teams he commands. What a player.
Buffalo Bills (1-4)
Five games into the season and the Bills are in second place in the division, right behind the Pats and just ahead of the Jets (because of tiebreakers). If you asked any Bills fan if they would take second place in this division, unless they were delusional, they would have resoundingly responded with a yes. Let's just not bring up the fact that they are 1-4. Although it is only been a couple of games, I do like Trent Edwards' poise to date. They might have found a quarterback.
New York Jets (1-4)
It's time for Clemens. Period. As for the defense, every time I see Vilma play, I am more impressed. With (no) apologies to Penn State fans - Vilma is one reason why "The U" is the actual Linebacker U. (Note - I might be a little biased as the 'Canes are my favorite college football team, even though I, like the majority of Miami fans, never went to school there).
Miami Dolphins (0-5)
Daunte Culpepper is really starting to show that he has recovered from his knee injury and that he can really stretch defenses by throwing the ball downfield. Too bad he is doing it for the Raiders. It does look as if the Dolphins have found their Quarterback of the Future, though. No, not Cleo Lemon. "Ladies and Gentlemen, with the first pick of the 2008 NFL draft, the Miami Dolphins select, Brady Quinn." Oh, we should have drafted him last year? OK - we will take Brian Brohm. On a positive note, Ronnie Brown is looking better than Cadillac Williams and Cedric Benson, combined.
AFC NORTH
Pittsburgh Steelers (4-1)
This team seems to be playing with a purpose under Mike Timlin in middle relief. I do like the way Willie Parker is running, plus he is leading the NFL in rushing yards. Sure he fumbles from time-to-time, but he is no Cleveland Gary. (Ed. Note - actual football history sometimes involved in this season review). Plus Santonio Holmes is really maturing into a great receiver. With this defense, Pittsburgh will be a tough out in the playoffs for anyone.
Baltimore Ravens (3-2)
Everyone's favorite playoff sleeper, Baltimore is a mere shadow of itself. Ray Lewis is only 31st in tackles with 35, and Steve McNair is playing like he is 135. This team needs to really step up and make some plays to stay in the playoff hunt, with so many young teams knocking at the door.
Cleveland Browns (2-3)
For a bad team, the are actually playing exciting ball. Braylon Edwards is fourth in the NFL in receiving yards to date, while he and Kellen Winslow, Jr. both have 24 catches. Of course, they had the benefit of playing against Cincinnati's defense, which obviously helps.
Cincinnati Bengals (1-3)
Can't stop anybody. Yes the passing game is explosive, but until Johnson and Houshmandzadeh start playing corner, this team is done.
AFC SOUTH
Indianapolis Colts (5-0)
Undefeated, and the defense is playing very tough. I wouldn't want to have to game plan against this offense AND this defense right now. Anthony Gonzalez seems to have fit right into the 3rd receiver slot without a hitch, and that normally spells trouble. However, this division is still looking tougher than most, so the Colts are going to have to give their all during every game. Perhaps they might be worn down by the time the playoffs come around.
Tennessee Titans (3-1)
Vince Young is now the second most exciting player in the NFL (behind Devin Hester). He is one of those players that is going to be overlooked by everyone in a couple of years because the hype will have worn down and he doesn't put up those super fantasy numbers. All of the dorky fantasy players will keep knocking Vince for guys like Jon Kitna - who put up fantastic numbers, but aren't necessarily great quarterbacks. (By "dorky" I mean the fantasy players who don't actually watch the games - not the fantasy players who do watch and understand the games). Vince just knows how and when to take control. Plus, he is untackleable. Watch him scramble sometime. With him, it isn't about pure speed, but rather body control and angles. He almost never takes a hit. Amazing.
Jacksonville Jaguars (3-1)
It's amazing how this team does it. Garrard has really shown that he deserves to start in the NFL. No real wide receivers, 2 running backs - at least until the inevitable Fred Taylor injury - and a hard hitting defense. I think I have seen this recipe before.
Houston Texans (3-2)
It's amazing what a change can make. Even though Ahman Green is a shadow of his former self, he is still an NFL caliber player, and Matt Schaub is just much more poised than David Carr. The Texans are 3-2 without Andre Johnson, their primary receiver. When he comes back, this team might be outright dangerous. On defense, the Mario Williams pick is looking like it will pay some dividends, and Demeco Ryans might be the steal of that 2006 draft. Plus, what a kicking clinic Kris Brown put on against the Dolphins.
AFC WEST
Oakland Raiders (2-2)
This team is in first place? Really? LaMont Jordan played amazingly prior to his injury against the Dolphins. Culpepper has made it unnecessary to worry about JaMarcus Russell as of yet, and the defense was actually good last year - when the rest of the team was horrible. With San Diego looming, it is going to be difficult to make the playoffs, but this team is a Mike Shanahan timeout away from being 3-1 right now. I do want to give a shout out to my man Sebas (that is Sebastian Janikowski for all of you that don't understand the reference). See you in March and looking forward to a great time!
San Diego Chargers (2-3)
Too much talent to not make a run, and if they were not in the AFC West, they would have no margin of error. If they lose a couple of close games that turn on a big play or missed call or some other seemingly minor detail, San Diego could be in trouble. As of now - still going in as the AFC West champions.
Denver Broncos (2-3)
The only problem Travis Henry has with coming over to the Broncos is that he doesn't get to run against this defense. No telling how many yards he could have smoked up if he could just run against the Broncos. Right now he has at least a one month reprieve. Expect the Broncos to ride him until the inevitable suspension starts. No word if the GM has started to sign any of his progeny to the practice squad yet.
Kansas City Chiefs (2-3)
Just awful, just like the Royals. At least Kansas City has its steak and barbecue.
NFC EAST
Dallas Cowboys (5-0)
Apparently they are playing some sort of big game this weekend. I don't trust this team to be that strong. Romo is very exciting, but makes mistakes. Crayton is coming along great as a second receiver, but what happens when Glenn returns? Secondary scares me if I am a Cowboys fan. Flozell Adams leads the league in false start penalties. Definitely playoff bound, but looks like a team that can be upset in one of the first two rounds of the playoffs.
Washington Redskins (3-1)
A very intriguing 3-1 team. They are playing much better than they should be on paper. Campbell is maturing nicely, and Cooley might be the most important tight end in the league (after all, Gates is playing with Tomlinson). So long as Campbell continues to improve and the defense plays tough, this team could make the playoffs.
New York Giants (3-2)
Another intriguing team. They can sometimes play so good, and sometimes play incredibly bad. I don't think this team will make it to the playoffs though, since their secondary is suspect. With apologies to Randy Moss, Plaxico Burress might be having the best season of any Wide Receiver, in turns of impact and big plays. Eli Manning is still remarkably inconsistent, although he seems to be improving. It may take a year or two for this team to contend, and they really need to find a solid running back before then.
Philadelphia Eagles (1-3)
This is a team that has underperformed this year. Westbrook might be more valuable to his team than any other player. McNabb saved his best game for after his diatribe, however, it would be hard to have 12 more diatribes taken seriously. This seems to be a team in decline, albeit a dangerous team to take lightly.
NFC NORTH
Green Bay Packers (4-1)
It is amazing how a team with this bad of a running game has this good of a record. Favre is having a phenomenal season to date, but the turnovers in the Chicago game are a question mark. Chicago has been outstanding in forcing turnovers, so perhaps the Bears just need a little credit, rather than blaming Green Bay. Packers are looking great for a playoff spot, though, the only question being can they hold off the Lions and Bears for the division title.
Detroit Lions (3-2-20)
Twenty is the apparent number of conversions that Kitna has made since coming to the team. He has a number of offensive weapons, and that Ernie Sims is one bad mother, shut yo mouth. When he was at Florida State, he flew around with such reckless abandon, I thought he was going to literally kill someone on the field. Quite possibly himself. Although I think he is going to have a short shelf life as a player, he is incredibly fun to watch while he is playing. Offensive players especially need to watch out for him.
Chicago Bears (2-3)
Rex Grossman sucks. Brian Griese is just a more poised Rex Grossman. Still, Hester is a threat every time he touches the ball, and this defense can generate turnovers and points. Lance Briggs might be the best outside linebacker in the game right now. He simply makes plays all over the field. G-Reg is one to look out for.
Minnesota Vikings (1-3)
Even though he may be the best Tarvaris in NFL history, I am not sure that he is the answer. Peterson looks like the real deal, but he hasn't finished a season since pee-wee football. Not sure I would invest a lot of time with this team.
NFC SOUTH
Carolina Panthers (3-2)
Jon Beason is another example of why "The U" is the true Linebacker U (and Dan Morgan as well). 36 tackles and still coming into his own. He is also a member of the famed Seventh Floor Crew! Vinny Testaverde is an interesting choice, but the one thing he could always do was throw a deep ball and Steve Smith can definitely run to get those. Unfortunately, Smith might have to chase down the defensive backs that Vinny throws to. If they weren't in the NFC South, I would say the Panthers would not make the playoffs, however, this is not a stellar division.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-2)
Surprisingly good right now, although injuries are starting to play an important role. How quickly can they adjust? Derrick Brooks is still playing at an extremely high level. He is absolutely in control in every game he plays. Sapp may have received most of the accolades, and the DE's may have received all of the sacks on those old Bucs teams, but this guy was, and is, simply - GOOD!
Atlanta Falcons (1-4)
Joey Harrington. 'Nuff said.
New Orleans Saints (0-4)
They do not seem to be as exciting as they were last year. Perhaps they were a little overrated based upon last seasons' performance, but they just don't look the same. Offensively, not as creative. Of course, I believe a lot of that was based upon Deuce running the ball, which would set up all of the cute passes to Bush in open space and the crossing routes to Colston. Without the former, it might be more difficult for the latter. Even when the Deuce was healthy, he didn't seem to get as many touches as last year. I think coaches get too much credit and too much blame generally, but I think Payton and his offensive coaches definitely need to re-examine their game plans. As for the defense, I never thought they were very good last year.
NFC WEST
Arizona Cardinals (3-2)
Arizona has always been where old folks go to retire. I guess that explains Kurt Warner. If Dansby and the defense can step up a bit, this team could be playoff bound with Edge, Fitzlarry and the best Anquan ever providing offensive firepower.
Seattle Seahawks (3-2)
Alexander and Hasselback seem a few years removed from their respective bests, and this team seems to be on a downturn. Alexander is only averaging 3.7 yards/carry, and he seems to have lost some of his explosiveness. In this division, still a possibility for the playoffs, but not for too much longer barring necessary additions. Lofa Tatupu is a much better player than Mosi, but as
of yet, nobody has yelled his name out when worshipping Marge Simpson's hair.
San Francisco 49ers (2-3)
Still a young up-and-coming team. At some point that has to change to a team that is already here. Patrick Willis is a rookie showing some signs of greatness. Alex Smith's injury isn't going to help his development.
St. Louis Rams (0-5)
Gus Frerotte and Brian Leonard. If Ronnie Brown keeps playing like he has, the Rams may receive the number 1 pick.
QUARTER SEASON AWARDS
Offensive MVP - Tom Brady
Defensive MVP - Lance Briggs
Offensive Rookie of the Year - Dwayne Bowe
Defensive Rookie of the Year - Patrick Willis
Coach of the Year - Jack Del Rio, John Fox, Layne Kiffen
Most Improved - Ronnie Brown
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Good Thursday Humor
Please never let my kid come home with this. I would laugh and be killed.
Wash your Hands
SEC Schools are GREAT
Even the Celebs are rooting for the Eagles now!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
UF Taser Incident
Despite common belief, apparently it is not "Great, to Hate, the Florida Gators". This must be a huge misconception. Why do you ask, well let me tell you.
For starters, most of you have almost assuredly by now seen at least a portion of the video of the UF student being tasered at an event at which the junior Senator from Massachusetts spoke in Gainesville. If you haven't, scroll down a bit as my boy Hopps has uploaded the video to this illustrious blog.
Waiting for you to view.
Still waiting.
OK. It is pretty funny, huh? I at least think so, and so does about 3/4 of the free world. In Myanmar, they just call it "Wednesday".
Now you would think this incident is played out by now, with discussions over police tactics, selfish promotion by the student, ludicrous questions, and even why Senator Kerry was in Florida in the first place. He represents Massachusetts, which isn't even close to Florida. Heck, Massachusetts isn't even a state!!! (That's true by the way, look it up). (Oh yeah, and sorry Hopps - you don't live in an actual State.) Commentators have even brought out the issues surrounding the girl heard in the videotape (as well as her repeat performance the next day at the police station), and believe me, lots of people have already laughed at "Don't tase me, Bro."
Quick aside, if you haven't heard the audio of the same kid the next day at the police station - it is ridiculous. He asks for people to hurry up and help him because the police were going to kill him. The same girl is right by his side doing nothing more than screaming obnoxiously. I am pretty sure that he staged this whole thing just to get into her pants. If that was true, then I give him some credit for creativity, I usually just try talking to them. (Aside over.)
Now, I think the guy should have been tased (or is it tasered?) just for using the word bro, when no lesser authority on the English vernacular language than Shaquille O'Neal will tell you that the most commonly accepted form of the word is br, with the vowel dangling at the end of the syllable. Which vowel you ask? Any of them. He also should have been tased for saying, "Don't tase me". Some even suggest that he got what he deserved for simply acting like an idiot - not leaving the podium, asking stupid questions, not following instructions from law enforcement, and even flailing at law enforcement. However, none of those reasons are responsible for the tasing.
After much investigation, I was able to find some videotape that starts before the videotape that was circulated nationally. Once I receive the rights back from Senator Kerry and/or the University Florida (not sure who took it from me), I will upload it here. However, I did get a chance to view it. As it turns out, the extra law enforcement troops, the ones who "handled" the student, weren't even initially at the Kerry speech. They were summoned when the student had the audacity to comment to Senator Kerry that ...
1 - Tim Tebow still needs to develop as a quarterback;
2 - Tim Tebow can run and throw the short passes, but needs to work on his long ball and timing routes;
3 - Tim Tebow's rushing stats are artificially inflated because unlike other quarterbacks who have to scramble for their yards, Urban Meyer actually calls his quarterback running plays;
4 - Tim Tebow is not a legitimate Heisman candidate this year;
5 - Tim Tebow cannot be the greatest QB in Florida history because he hasn't won a title yet as a starting QB;
6 - Tim Tebow isn't even the best ultra religious QB in Florida history (see Wuerffel, Danny, aka Awful, Danny);
7 - Tim Tebow cannot play pass defense, thus keeping the Gators from winning the SEC, much less the BCS; and
8 - Tim Tebow is not better than Rex Grossman (Ed. Note - OH YES HE IS!!!)
(Ed. Note - If you don't know who Tim Tebow is, stop reading this blog. For good. I mean it.)
After point 2 - the extra law enforcement was summoned to the event. Unfortunately, since they were all watching Tim Tebow erect a house for a poor family in town singlehandedly after practice, it took them until after point 8 to arrive. Then the cameras started rolling.
So as you can see, the University of Florida Police were right in tasing (again, is it tasering?), this pompous, self righteous student. You don't make fun of Tim Tebow.
For those of you who may agree with any of the 8 statements made by the student, I direct you to the website of timtebowfacts.com. It will certainly enlighten your mind as to the greatness that is Tim Tebow.
Pepster
For starters, most of you have almost assuredly by now seen at least a portion of the video of the UF student being tasered at an event at which the junior Senator from Massachusetts spoke in Gainesville. If you haven't, scroll down a bit as my boy Hopps has uploaded the video to this illustrious blog.
Waiting for you to view.
Still waiting.
OK. It is pretty funny, huh? I at least think so, and so does about 3/4 of the free world. In Myanmar, they just call it "Wednesday".
Now you would think this incident is played out by now, with discussions over police tactics, selfish promotion by the student, ludicrous questions, and even why Senator Kerry was in Florida in the first place. He represents Massachusetts, which isn't even close to Florida. Heck, Massachusetts isn't even a state!!! (That's true by the way, look it up). (Oh yeah, and sorry Hopps - you don't live in an actual State.) Commentators have even brought out the issues surrounding the girl heard in the videotape (as well as her repeat performance the next day at the police station), and believe me, lots of people have already laughed at "Don't tase me, Bro."
Quick aside, if you haven't heard the audio of the same kid the next day at the police station - it is ridiculous. He asks for people to hurry up and help him because the police were going to kill him. The same girl is right by his side doing nothing more than screaming obnoxiously. I am pretty sure that he staged this whole thing just to get into her pants. If that was true, then I give him some credit for creativity, I usually just try talking to them. (Aside over.)
Now, I think the guy should have been tased (or is it tasered?) just for using the word bro, when no lesser authority on the English vernacular language than Shaquille O'Neal will tell you that the most commonly accepted form of the word is br, with the vowel dangling at the end of the syllable. Which vowel you ask? Any of them. He also should have been tased for saying, "Don't tase me". Some even suggest that he got what he deserved for simply acting like an idiot - not leaving the podium, asking stupid questions, not following instructions from law enforcement, and even flailing at law enforcement. However, none of those reasons are responsible for the tasing.
After much investigation, I was able to find some videotape that starts before the videotape that was circulated nationally. Once I receive the rights back from Senator Kerry and/or the University Florida (not sure who took it from me), I will upload it here. However, I did get a chance to view it. As it turns out, the extra law enforcement troops, the ones who "handled" the student, weren't even initially at the Kerry speech. They were summoned when the student had the audacity to comment to Senator Kerry that ...
1 - Tim Tebow still needs to develop as a quarterback;
2 - Tim Tebow can run and throw the short passes, but needs to work on his long ball and timing routes;
3 - Tim Tebow's rushing stats are artificially inflated because unlike other quarterbacks who have to scramble for their yards, Urban Meyer actually calls his quarterback running plays;
4 - Tim Tebow is not a legitimate Heisman candidate this year;
5 - Tim Tebow cannot be the greatest QB in Florida history because he hasn't won a title yet as a starting QB;
6 - Tim Tebow isn't even the best ultra religious QB in Florida history (see Wuerffel, Danny, aka Awful, Danny);
7 - Tim Tebow cannot play pass defense, thus keeping the Gators from winning the SEC, much less the BCS; and
8 - Tim Tebow is not better than Rex Grossman (Ed. Note - OH YES HE IS!!!)
(Ed. Note - If you don't know who Tim Tebow is, stop reading this blog. For good. I mean it.)
After point 2 - the extra law enforcement was summoned to the event. Unfortunately, since they were all watching Tim Tebow erect a house for a poor family in town singlehandedly after practice, it took them until after point 8 to arrive. Then the cameras started rolling.
So as you can see, the University of Florida Police were right in tasing (again, is it tasering?), this pompous, self righteous student. You don't make fun of Tim Tebow.
For those of you who may agree with any of the 8 statements made by the student, I direct you to the website of timtebowfacts.com. It will certainly enlighten your mind as to the greatness that is Tim Tebow.
Pepster
William Wirtz?
For starters - let's assume that I know as much about hockey as everyone else in the U.S., which means nothing. Then I see that William Wirtz, the longtime owner of the Chicago Blackhawks dies. I have no allegiance, affinity, or even interest for that matter, to Wirtz, the Blackhawks, or the NHL (except for the incredibly exciting quadruple overtime playoff games) until after watching PTI yesterday.
At the end of the show, during the segment where they talk about milestones, birthdays, anniversaries, etc., Wilbon is talking about Wirtz's death. Now, since I know specifically that MW and TK read this blog, I hope they will forgive me if I don't quote this correctly. Wilbon states something along the lines that he was always taught that if someone dies, "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all". Then he follows it up with, "To you, Tony". Now that is a statement. For everyone that thinks they have to talk all the time so that everyone knows what their opinions are on everything - please take a lesson from Michael Wilbon, who said an awful lot about Mr. Wirtz without saying a word at all.
Tony followed it up by saying, "They won a Stanley Cup".
Wilbon's response, "In 1961."
Kornheiser's reply was, "But he won one".
WOW!!!!!!!
Just for the record, this post has two purposes: 1) I was incredibly struck by the above conversation and I wanted to share it with those who may have missed it; and 2) Now I can honestly say I wrote something about the NHL, thus relieving myself from any further obligation of doing so ever again (at least until the next quadruple overtime playoff game).
At the end of the show, during the segment where they talk about milestones, birthdays, anniversaries, etc., Wilbon is talking about Wirtz's death. Now, since I know specifically that MW and TK read this blog, I hope they will forgive me if I don't quote this correctly. Wilbon states something along the lines that he was always taught that if someone dies, "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all". Then he follows it up with, "To you, Tony". Now that is a statement. For everyone that thinks they have to talk all the time so that everyone knows what their opinions are on everything - please take a lesson from Michael Wilbon, who said an awful lot about Mr. Wirtz without saying a word at all.
Tony followed it up by saying, "They won a Stanley Cup".
Wilbon's response, "In 1961."
Kornheiser's reply was, "But he won one".
WOW!!!!!!!
Just for the record, this post has two purposes: 1) I was incredibly struck by the above conversation and I wanted to share it with those who may have missed it; and 2) Now I can honestly say I wrote something about the NHL, thus relieving myself from any further obligation of doing so ever again (at least until the next quadruple overtime playoff game).
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Stupid People #1
Once again, welcome to the first installment of what is sure to be a recurring topic on this blog - Stupid People.
I had to make a day trip to Tallahassee, Florida, which is about an hour and a half flight for me - via prop plane. Fly up - do what I have to do - and return to the Tallahassee Regional Airport for my return prop flight. Get through security in about 1.4 seconds, so I have some time to kill, well, at least enough for a beer. Lo and behold I find an Irish Pub in the airport. I sit down on one side of the bar, and the place is empty, just another 2 people on the other side of the horseshoe shaped bar, and an older bartendress that I will call Edith Bunker. Edith happily gives me a Sam Adams draft.
About 1/4 of the way through my beer, another gentleman walks in and sits about 3 stools from me at the bar. By this point the couple across the bar had left. Edith Bunker gives him a beer, and she starts the pretty typical chit chat about whether Mr. New Guy was going on a trip or flying home. As it turns out - he was flying home to Fort Lauderdale, but his company is based in Tallahassee so he travels there often. Turns out that he works for the state lottery. He happens to oversee the Broward, Dade and Monroe County offices for the lottery (that is Fort Lauderdale, Miami and the Keys). Mrs. Bunker then asks him why it seems all of the big lottery winners are from South Florida and not the northern part of the state.
Now, this is where I become interested in the conversation. I chime in, which I am wont to do, admittedly, and ask if I could take a guess. Now keep in mind, I do not KNOW the answer, but I had two pretty good guesses, which I proceeded to contribute. My guesses - 1) More people; and 2) More ticket sales. Not that I am thinking this is rocket science and I am some kind of genius (which may be true anyway), but these two guesses were correct.
Edith Bunker's response was that she still thinks that people in South Florida win the lottery more because the state conspires to help the poor Blacks and Hispanics that live there win. REALLY?! IS SHE SERIOUS? (She was.)
First of all, even if that were true, the studies suggest that lower income people play the lottery more than others, and thus are basically just throwing their money away. (Let's go out on a limb and assume for a minute that most people that play the lottery do not win). Perhaps Edith's conspiracy theory could be correct, but not because the State wants poor Blacks and Hispanics to win, but because if they win every so often, more Blacks and Hispanics would keep playing, thus actually keeping them impoverished.
Second, if the lottery system was to conspire to anything, wouldn't it simply be in the calculation of the prize money so that the State gets to keep more of the lottery purchases and less is paid out to the eventual winners?
Third, Leon County, Florida is 30+% black, and Tallahassee is about 34.2% black. Certainly not incredibly small percentages where the State wouldn't want to help poor Blacks there in addition to those in South Florida, if Edith Bunker's theory was correct. (Leon County is the county in which Tallahassee lies.)
Fourth, statistics would show that if more tickets are sold in a given geographic area, that over time, more winners will come from that geographic area. Please note, I computed no actual statistics of any kind in figuring this out, nor did I use any equations or algorithms. Nothing. I just watched Laszlo Hollyfeld do his own calculations, and even he undervalued the amount of prizes he would win. If you don't get the reference: (1) let us know, and we might help you out; or (2) shoot yourself. (Ed. Note - don't actually shoot yourself, at least not literally. Figuratively - go ahead and shoot).
And fifth, and most important of all, she said this to me (and Mr. Lottery), as I was sitting in front of her, AND I AM HISPANIC!!! Well, apparently I don't look Hispanic.
Some people really are just that stupid. No other explanation. So next time you are out at your favorite pub enjoying a Sam Adams (or other beverage of choice), just think to yourself if someone around that bar is as stupid as Edith Bunker. My guess is ... well ... depends upon how busy the bar is.
Pepster
I had to make a day trip to Tallahassee, Florida, which is about an hour and a half flight for me - via prop plane. Fly up - do what I have to do - and return to the Tallahassee Regional Airport for my return prop flight. Get through security in about 1.4 seconds, so I have some time to kill, well, at least enough for a beer. Lo and behold I find an Irish Pub in the airport. I sit down on one side of the bar, and the place is empty, just another 2 people on the other side of the horseshoe shaped bar, and an older bartendress that I will call Edith Bunker. Edith happily gives me a Sam Adams draft.
About 1/4 of the way through my beer, another gentleman walks in and sits about 3 stools from me at the bar. By this point the couple across the bar had left. Edith Bunker gives him a beer, and she starts the pretty typical chit chat about whether Mr. New Guy was going on a trip or flying home. As it turns out - he was flying home to Fort Lauderdale, but his company is based in Tallahassee so he travels there often. Turns out that he works for the state lottery. He happens to oversee the Broward, Dade and Monroe County offices for the lottery (that is Fort Lauderdale, Miami and the Keys). Mrs. Bunker then asks him why it seems all of the big lottery winners are from South Florida and not the northern part of the state.
Now, this is where I become interested in the conversation. I chime in, which I am wont to do, admittedly, and ask if I could take a guess. Now keep in mind, I do not KNOW the answer, but I had two pretty good guesses, which I proceeded to contribute. My guesses - 1) More people; and 2) More ticket sales. Not that I am thinking this is rocket science and I am some kind of genius (which may be true anyway), but these two guesses were correct.
Edith Bunker's response was that she still thinks that people in South Florida win the lottery more because the state conspires to help the poor Blacks and Hispanics that live there win. REALLY?! IS SHE SERIOUS? (She was.)
First of all, even if that were true, the studies suggest that lower income people play the lottery more than others, and thus are basically just throwing their money away. (Let's go out on a limb and assume for a minute that most people that play the lottery do not win). Perhaps Edith's conspiracy theory could be correct, but not because the State wants poor Blacks and Hispanics to win, but because if they win every so often, more Blacks and Hispanics would keep playing, thus actually keeping them impoverished.
Second, if the lottery system was to conspire to anything, wouldn't it simply be in the calculation of the prize money so that the State gets to keep more of the lottery purchases and less is paid out to the eventual winners?
Third, Leon County, Florida is 30+% black, and Tallahassee is about 34.2% black. Certainly not incredibly small percentages where the State wouldn't want to help poor Blacks there in addition to those in South Florida, if Edith Bunker's theory was correct. (Leon County is the county in which Tallahassee lies.)
Fourth, statistics would show that if more tickets are sold in a given geographic area, that over time, more winners will come from that geographic area. Please note, I computed no actual statistics of any kind in figuring this out, nor did I use any equations or algorithms. Nothing. I just watched Laszlo Hollyfeld do his own calculations, and even he undervalued the amount of prizes he would win. If you don't get the reference: (1) let us know, and we might help you out; or (2) shoot yourself. (Ed. Note - don't actually shoot yourself, at least not literally. Figuratively - go ahead and shoot).
And fifth, and most important of all, she said this to me (and Mr. Lottery), as I was sitting in front of her, AND I AM HISPANIC!!! Well, apparently I don't look Hispanic.
Some people really are just that stupid. No other explanation. So next time you are out at your favorite pub enjoying a Sam Adams (or other beverage of choice), just think to yourself if someone around that bar is as stupid as Edith Bunker. My guess is ... well ... depends upon how busy the bar is.
Pepster
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