Stupid People #2

So last night, I sidled up to my reserved table at one of my favorite sports bars around, Bru's Room in Boynton Beach, Florida, for a good night of watching sports and playing trivia. (Bru's Room is named for one of its proprietors, former Miami Dolphin linebacker Bob Brudzinski). Why was my table reserved, you might ask. Well, Tuesday night is trivia night, in which my boy Mark brings his company to the bar, and runs a live action trivia game in which teams compete against each other for gift certificates to the bar. My table is reserved because me and my boys usually gather at Bru's Room for trivia night. Unlike most teams, we change our name weekly. Last night, we were "The Vacuum Sealers".

Anyway, sitting at my table, with good views of the Marlins game, the Penguins decimation of the Hurricanes, the Cavs-Magic, as well as the actual NTN trivia, I was all set with my beer and wings. Then the trivia started.

Now, most of the trivia night customers are regulars. That is why the bar pays Mark to show up - he brings lots of eaters and drinkers. We recognize most of the usual suspects. However, we don't recognize this kid (mid-20's) that is sitting with what looks like his brother and a girl (not sure to whom she belonged). He is already sauced and beginning to get loud. Now, it is not quite 7:40. I foresee problems. I could not have foreseen what actually happened.

Now, I am going to skip the formality of actually listing reason #2 why we hate stupid people, as this scenario should be told without any distractions. Suffice to say, we hate stupid people.

So, the trivia game lasts about 2 hours. Now I mentioned that Beevis was already drunk when I arrived, so imagine his demeanor two hours later. He is screaming and yelling at everything. Jumping up and down at the bar. Slamming his hand on the bar when his team gets questions right. Yelling and screaming when he gets questions wrong. One of his favorite statements was "I may be young, but I am strong!" [Ed. note - he wasn't that strong]. Throughout the trivia game, he almost starts several altercations with various patrons. This is going to get ugly.

Then - the magic happened. My boy Tigger stated that it was the funniest thing that he had ever heard. It came straight from the mouth of Beevis. Now, we all say dumb things from time-to-time. We mishear questions during trivia, we are thinking of something else. However, nothing, and I mean nothing can excuse this statement.

The trivia question was, "If you spell out each number in succession, how long will it take you until you use the letter 'a'?"

We then hear, very loudly, Beevis jumping up and down yelling, "Mark it down. It's 8! 8! Mark it down, it's 8." Not quite mark it foul, but amusing nonetheless when you realize how adamant Beevis was that the answer to the question was 8. This doesn't even include the fact that teams are supposed to write down their answers and turn them in to the trivia guy, not yell them across the bar.

Surely you see where we are going here. As most of you readers will know - the number 8 is spelled "e-i-g-h-t", not "a-t-e". After Beevis' declaration, I sauntered up to Mark, the trivia guy, and said please tell me how he wrote down his answer. Beevis did not write the number "8", but rather spelled out "eight", failing to notice the lack of the letter "a".

Shortly thereafter, Beevis was cut-off and asked to leave, so I don't know what happened the rest of the evening, but I assure you, I kept laughing.

For those of you who haven't figured it out - the answer was "1000" or "one thousand".

For those that like trivia, I will give you two questions, both bonus questions from last night. The first is family fued style - which college football teams have won the most bowl games? The second was jeopardy style, which city has the most fountains? Your guesses in the comments.

Stupid People #1

Once again, welcome to the first installment of what is sure to be a recurring topic on this blog - Stupid People.

I had to make a day trip to Tallahassee, Florida, which is about an hour and a half flight for me - via prop plane. Fly up - do what I have to do - and return to the Tallahassee Regional Airport for my return prop flight. Get through security in about 1.4 seconds, so I have some time to kill, well, at least enough for a beer. Lo and behold I find an Irish Pub in the airport. I sit down on one side of the bar, and the place is empty, just another 2 people on the other side of the horseshoe shaped bar, and an older bartendress that I will call Edith Bunker. Edith happily gives me a Sam Adams draft.

About 1/4 of the way through my beer, another gentleman walks in and sits about 3 stools from me at the bar. By this point the couple across the bar had left. Edith Bunker gives him a beer, and she starts the pretty typical chit chat about whether Mr. New Guy was going on a trip or flying home. As it turns out - he was flying home to Fort Lauderdale, but his company is based in Tallahassee so he travels there often. Turns out that he works for the state lottery. He happens to oversee the Broward, Dade and Monroe County offices for the lottery (that is Fort Lauderdale, Miami and the Keys). Mrs. Bunker then asks him why it seems all of the big lottery winners are from South Florida and not the northern part of the state.

Now, this is where I become interested in the conversation. I chime in, which I am wont to do, admittedly, and ask if I could take a guess. Now keep in mind, I do not KNOW the answer, but I had two pretty good guesses, which I proceeded to contribute. My guesses - 1) More people; and 2) More ticket sales. Not that I am thinking this is rocket science and I am some kind of genius (which may be true anyway), but these two guesses were correct.

Edith Bunker's response was that she still thinks that people in South Florida win the lottery more because the state conspires to help the poor Blacks and Hispanics that live there win. REALLY?! IS SHE SERIOUS? (She was.)

First of all, even if that were true, the studies suggest that lower income people play the lottery more than others, and thus are basically just throwing their money away. (Let's go out on a limb and assume for a minute that most people that play the lottery do not win). Perhaps Edith's conspiracy theory could be correct, but not because the State wants poor Blacks and Hispanics to win, but because if they win every so often, more Blacks and Hispanics would keep playing, thus actually keeping them impoverished.

Second, if the lottery system was to conspire to anything, wouldn't it simply be in the calculation of the prize money so that the State gets to keep more of the lottery purchases and less is paid out to the eventual winners?

Third, Leon County, Florida is 30+% black, and Tallahassee is about 34.2% black. Certainly not incredibly small percentages where the State wouldn't want to help poor Blacks there in addition to those in South Florida, if Edith Bunker's theory was correct. (Leon County is the county in which Tallahassee lies.)

Fourth, statistics would show that if more tickets are sold in a given geographic area, that over time, more winners will come from that geographic area. Please note, I computed no actual statistics of any kind in figuring this out, nor did I use any equations or algorithms. Nothing. I just watched Laszlo Hollyfeld do his own calculations, and even he undervalued the amount of prizes he would win. If you don't get the reference: (1) let us know, and we might help you out; or (2) shoot yourself. (Ed. Note - don't actually shoot yourself, at least not literally. Figuratively - go ahead and shoot).

And fifth, and most important of all, she said this to me (and Mr. Lottery), as I was sitting in front of her, AND I AM HISPANIC!!! Well, apparently I don't look Hispanic.

Some people really are just that stupid. No other explanation. So next time you are out at your favorite pub enjoying a Sam Adams (or other beverage of choice), just think to yourself if someone around that bar is as stupid as Edith Bunker. My guess is ... well ... depends upon how busy the bar is.

Pepster