Cedric the (Not So) Entertainer

The Chicago Bears, both Sinickal and my favorite team, decided to release talented but ultimately unproductive running back Cedric Benson this week after his second arrest in one month for drunken operation of heavy mechanized vehicles. Although he maintains his innocence, the first instance stemming from a stop on a lake outside Austin, Texas in his boat and the second after being stopped leaving a social meeting with some friends after "a couple of drinks", the Bears ultimately felt that these distractions, along with his Shaun Alexander-like ability to go down after gaining 3 yards upon first contact, would be detrimental to the team.

Now, this leaves the Bears with a serious dearth of running backs on the roster, and no running backs with any real starting experience. (The do have Matt Lawrence, P.J. Pope and Garrett Wolfe, along with Adrian Peterson who just underwent an appendectomy). This means that the Bears hope for a running game rests upon the 44th pick in the NFL Draft, Matt Forte from Tulane, as well as a much improved (I hope) offensive line. Couple this with the much publicized QB troubles, and the Bears seem to be starting the 2008 NFL campaign on a much less than offensive foot. (Except for Robbie Gould's - his is gold).

However, I welcome the release of Cedric Benson. He simply wasn't tough enough to be the type of running back that would live up to the expectations of being the fourth pick in the 2005 draft. In fact, Robert Guillaume may have been a tougher Benson.

When did I come to this conclusion? How about the instant that the Bears selected Cedric Benson - IN APRIL 2005 WHEN HE CRIED AFTER HIS NAME WAS CALLED AT THE NFL DRAFT!!! THAT'S RIGHT, CRIED!!!.

Now, perhaps I can understand that some people would show emotion at realizing their life-long dream of playing in the NFL. Nah, never mind. I CAN'T!!! Especially not when it was a foregone conclusion that Benson was going to be drafted no worse than 5th that year, and had the possibility of being drafted second or third. He knew that he was not only going to be drafted by the NFL, but drafted incredibly high. What on earth was there to cry about? Dumbass!

It is for instances like these where the NFL needs to institute a rule where the team that drafts a player has 10 minutes to observe that player after making the pick in order to determine if they want to keep their pick or select somebody else. It would be akin to the rule that gives you 72 hours to rescind a real estate contract or a contract for pest control services. Had this rule been in effect at the time of the 2005 draft, the Bears definitely would have considered Benson a vermin and drafted someone else, perhaps sixth pick Adam Jones, the Cornerback from West Virginia.

No way HE would have given the Bears any problems.

Voting Rights

I know that this may be off our general topic of sports, but I felt that this was important enough to address in writing to, at least, get these thoughts off my chest. And although this post will touch on politics, it is not meant to start a Democrat-Republican, McCain-Obama or even a Clinton-Obama feud. It is about what is supposed to be the most important, and easiest, right that we possess, voting.

Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I am a Republican, but not a card carrying one, as I vote for almost as many Dems. as Reps., depending upon the candidates and the office. That being said, the most important disclosure I feel compelled to make is that I live in Palm Beach County, Florida. Yes, that Palm Beach County, Florida.

You may have heard or read about the time, long ago in 2000, when we had a little voting fiasco in Palm Beach County. Something about a butterfly ballot and hanging chads or something (see below). I think HBO just released a movie about it. I looked outside of my office at the county building 1 1/2 blocks away and saw the protesters following election day. I still have my "I demand a revote now" sign, even though I knew no re-vote could ever occur. (I actually just thought it would be interesting to have for posterity). In that election, I (am reasonably sure that I) voted for Al Gore, primarily because he played wiffle ball with my friends and I in October of 1991 (which actually occurred). OK, maybe it was because I thought he was smarter than his opponent, since I am not a fan of stupid. AT ALL. PERIOD.


Now, this led me to my opposition of the protesters and lawsuits that followed. If any problem existed with the ballot in Palm Beach County, it was simply that some idiots didn't pay attention or couldn't read. Basically, they were too stupid to vote for the guy for which they apparently wanted to vote. And as mentioned earlier, I do not like stupid. (Ironically, this meant that some of the more vocal opponents of then Gov. Bush for being stupid, were themselves too stupid to vote against him, at least in Palm Beach County).

The long and the short of the above history - some Floridians felt that they did not get the chance to vote, or that their votes were either discounted or not counted at all. (Not technically true, as all the votes were counted, it was the re-counts that were stopped by the Courts). I have a whole rant on how the Florida Supreme Court's opinion overstepped its bounds so much that it basically handed the overrule to the Supreme Court on a platter, whereas a simple, short opinion by the Florida Supreme Court would have, and could have, actually allowed for a different result in the U.S. Supreme Court, but that is for another day.

Now, my Democratic brethren in Florida are again in a position where their votes do not count (or at least they don't count in full).

A brief recap of the facts that led to this current scenario. The Democratic Party has a rule that their primary calendar must be followed by all states, or else any offending states would lose at least half of their delegation to the convention. The Republican Party has a similar rule, but that never came to importance because McCain locked up the Republican nomination a long time ago, with or without the Florida delegation.

Now, the Florida House of Representatives and the Florida Senate (headed by Republicans who have an overwhelming majority in both houses) passed a voting reform bill, which basically targeted ballot machines with a paper trail for possible recounts, but also included a move of Florida's primary up to January 29, which offended the Democratic calendar. This move was to make Florida's vote more important, since most party nominations were decided well-before Florida's traditional March "Super Tuesday" primary. Who knew that later would have been more important this year given the closeness of the race between Obama and Clinton? Anyway, the bill was controlled by Republicans, but virtually all of the Democrats in the two state houses voted in favor of it as well.

All of the Democratic candidates refused to campaign in Florida, but all candidates placed their names on the ballot. A record 1.7 million Democrats turned out to vote in the primary, which Clinton won handily. 1.7 MILLION. Prior to the primary, the Democratic Party had previously voted to strip Florida of all of its delegates for its violation.

Over the weekend, the Rules and By-Laws Committee (or whatever its official name was), voted to seat all of Florida's delegates at the national convention, but each delegate could only use 1/2 of their vote. The Democratic Party has told each Florida voter that they only count 1/2 of everybody else.

Ultimately, this most likely would not have had an effect on the nomination, although if each delegate received a full share, (and Michigan's "uncommitted" delegates were not awarded to Obama), then Obama would not have clinched 50% + 1 of the delegates after yesterday's Montana and South Dakota primaries. He most likely would clinch when the rush of the uncommitted super delegates flooded his way beginning today.

Nevertheless, the Democratic Party, who most likely need Florida to win, has just alienated the Democratic voters in the largest and most populous swing state in the country. In addition, after 8 years of chanting "count every vote" or some similar tune because of what happened in Florida in 2000, many party leaders have acquiesced to the "compromise" of counting every vote except for those from Florida, which count 1/2.

If the Democrats on that committee had any principles whatsoever, they would have voted to stick to the ban on Florida for breaking the party's rules, or they would have voted to reinstate all of Florida's delegates with full voting rights. Whichever of these two arguments has the most votes on the committee wins. A compromise on this issue is not a compromise, it's a sellout. PERIOD!

All I know is that people always have said that they don't think their vote means anything. Come November, I am REALLY not 100% sure whether my vote will even count, much less mean anything.

Now, hopefully soon, we will be back to our regularly scheduled programming, and I apologize for the interruption.

Euro Cup 2008

As this year's tournament is about to commence, this seems to be the right time to preview the overwhelming favorite of the Euro Cup 2008. It isn't France with their exciting young player Bafetimbi Gomis, Portugal with the ever-present Cristiano Ronaldo, or even defending champion Greece. This year's favorite is ... the San Antonio Spurs.

For those of you that thought I was actually going to write a column about soccer, you clearly do not know me that well. Although someday it may cross my mind to pontificate on the various ways to easily make the sport more exciting and better, today is not that day. Today is the day to single out soccer's most easily exported commodity to the rest of the sporting community, the flop!

Now, the flop is nothing new, and the fact that the San Antonio Spurs employ this, ahem, tactic, is also nothing new. Plenty of writers, bloggers and mainstream, have commented on this very topic. What makes this year's playoffs a bit different is the pervasiveness of the flop, as well as the four different manifestations employed by the Spurs.


The first, and most obvious flop, is where an off-the-ball defender attempts to draw a charge from an offensive player that is driving to the basket. The defender steps into the lane, and falls dramatically to the ground, perhaps with a George Ackles type yell, prior to contact, or falls overly dramatically after very, very minimal contact. This flop is best evidenced on the Spurs by Ginobili, and historically by Vlade Divac and Dennis Rodman. Although Rodman would jump in the air parallel to the ground and then fall, most floppers today go straight back, landing on their shorts for maximum sliding under the basket (OK, I may have done this once or twice in high school).

The second flop I call the Manu Ginobili special, although Tony Parker is fast becoming adept at this maneuver. The setup for this flop is on offense while making a usually ill-advised drive to the basket between several defenders. While driving to the basket, the offensive player either jumps into the defender at his side or hesitates slightly causing contact with the defender at his back. After causing the contact, the offensive player throws the ball toward the basket and then flies approximately 326 feet away. The fact that the ball kisses gently off the backboard and often through the rim belies the ferocity of the contact which the shooter wishes to convey. Again, this is exemplified by Ginobili, and sometimes Parker.

The third flop is a standard post defensive maneuver. The post defender and the offensive player are banging for position. Immediately before one of the "bangs", the post defender stops his momentum, absorbs some of the contact and then falls backward creating the offensive foul. Note, it isn't technically a flop if you catch an elbow in the chest or sternum, that is a deserved foul. This flop is evendenced by a ton of Spurs, but especially Tim Duncan, Robert Horry and even Kurt Thomas, and historically by Bill Laimbeer and Rick Mahorn. This is the evolutionary heir to the pulling the chair defense at which Mahorn excelled. Mahorn would bang with an offensive player, and then right before the next expected hit, he would stop and avoid contact, as if pulling the chair out from under the post player, who, expecting the contact, would often travel.

The fourth flop is something I have never actually seen before these playoffs, at least not often. It occurs when the offense is on a fast break with a defensive player trying and failing to get proper defensive position, usually leaving him running beside the offensive player. The defender initiates a subtle hand check on the offensive player, who then slaps the hand away, causing the defender to fly into the stands at full speed. Bruce Bowen is the master of this maneuver, having done it twice in the past two games.

In the interest of full disclosure, I am not a Laker or Spur fan, just calling it like I see it. In fact, I would love to see Duncan win another ring, Bowen irritate the hell out of Paul Pierce, Richard Hamilton or Tayshaun Prince, and being Hispanic (well, at least half), I have to cheer for the greatest Hispanic basketball player ever, Ginobili. However, these Spurs have gone absolutely too far. It is almost as if they are playing soccer. Perhaps it is because Ginobili and Fabricio Oberto are both from soccer mad, and perennially dangerous, Argentina or perhaps it is because they are a year older as a team and losing a step of quickness. Whatever the reason, it has to stop. Now if only the officials could give them a red card.

With all this flopping, you would have thought that Brent Barry would have gone to the line last night when legitimate contact was made by Derek Fisher on the last play of the game. Oh well, at least the NHL playoffs are on tonight, and that is a league that doesn't tolerate flopping. Now, do I have the Home and Garden Network so I can watch the game?

It HAD to be a Hoax, right?

Unfortunately, I have been obssessed by Ortiz-gate over the last few weeks. No, not the sub .150 batting average to open the year. I have been closely following the Ortiz jersey buried in the foundation of the new Yankee Stadium. How ridiculous is this story? Seriously? A Red Sox fan throws a jersey into the concrete pour for a stadium to create a curse against one of the winningest sports franchises of all time? Really?

Well, I am going to be the first person to say it...It didn't happen.

The digging out of the jersey obviously happened. We saw it. But I am positive that the the storyline was fabricated. This is a hoax, and we are all the fool.

Let me pose a few questions:

1. Don't we think that there were at least as many Yankee fans working on the stadium as Red Sox fans? One person does not pour a foundation, it takes several teams of people. Don't you think that if someone threw a Red Sox jersey into the pour that he would have the piss beat out of him? Shouldnt someone have told a supervisor? Who was inspecting this job?


2. The Yankees have not won a World Series since 2000. The Red Sox have won two this decade. The balance of power appears to be shifting north and Yankee Nation can't be happy with this. Doesn't it seem plausible to invent a possible curse to throw the fan base off of bad personnel decisions on pitching and an aging lineup?


3. Hank Steinbrenner. He was 15 years old when George bought the team. He watched his father find a way into the headlines like it was sport. Doesn't this seem like something a spoiled kid might do? Don't ever let anyone upstage you. These are the New York F*&king Yankees, you are nothing!

So, here is what I think happened...Hank pays a crew to stage Jerseygate (Ortizgate if you like) in an effort to deflect attention away from an average baseball team and to announce his presence. You sell the Jersey on Ebay for $175,100 with proceeds benefiting a Boston based charity. And kablam, you kill off a curse that may or may not have even been real.

I love it! All of life should work like this. What if you could bury a pair of prized underwear under an ex-girlfriend's house? Tell her about it later, donate them to Goodwill and vex the curse of her on your future relationships...

It seems to me that Hank Steinbrenner is at the front edge of a fantastic sports revolution and we all ought to find a way to climb on board. This is baggy shorts in the NBA, flat brims on MLB caps, and sports reporters as television stars. It is the future!

I am ready, are you?

Our Namesake

As is reported by ESPN's Ed Werder, Our Namesake is now a Dallas Cowboy. He still has not been re-instated by the NFL. As a fan of Big D I am ported back in time to the days of the good ole' Cowboys: Jail/ Practice Facility Whore House/ Strippers/ Cocaine...(3 Championships)

Quick Recap of our Namesake:

July 13, 2005- Arrested and charged with assault and felony vandalism after a nightclub altercation.

October 2005- State of West Virginia filed a petition stating that Jones had not been contacting his probation officer and that he had not reported his July 2005 arrest.

March 23, 2006- Charged with marijuana possession in Fayetteville, Georgia.

August 25, 2006- Arrested for disorderly conduct and public intoxication after being ordered by the cops to leave a Murfreesboro night club several times.

October 26, 2006- Jones was issued a citation for misdemeanor assault after a female student from Tennessee State University claimed that Jones spit in her face at a Nashville night club.

Feburary 19, 2007- The facts are disputed and no charges have been made yet, but Jones was in the middle of a fight and shooting at a strip club in Las Vegas that left one man paralyzed and two more wounded. The fight broke out after Jones showered strippers on stage with $81,000 dollars. The club owner claims Jones was beating a strippers head against the bar while claiming to kill one of the club’s employees.

January 3, 2008- Pacman is accused of punching Wanda S. Jackson in the face at an Atlanta strip club called the Body Tap Strip Club

Although our namesake has a higher moral fortitude than say, the following previous Big D stars:

Hollywood Henderson: November 8 1983 - Henderson caught smoking crack with two underage girls. Hollywood was trading crack for sex. Go Hollywood - set the bar high.

Nate Newton: November 4, 2001 - Newton arrested for 213 pounds of pot in his car. About a month later gets busted with another 175 pounds in a van. Jail imminent.

Michael Irvin: March 4, 1996 - Irvin arrested in hotel room for snorting cocaine off a stripper's breast etc...trial features him in the full length fur coat.

I HOPE that he takes in the full opportunity bestowed upon him by the great city of Dallas to genuinely embrace his inner-heathen. There are a multitude of strip clubs along I35 between the stadium and the West End.

Know Your ... Hawks

The NBA Playoffs have begun with a vengeance with a scintillating double overtime game between the Suns and Spurs, absolutely sparkling postseason debuts by Dwight Howard and Chris Paul, big numbers by Duncan, Kobe, Gasol, Nash, Stoudamire, Iverson and Carmelo and to cap off the first games of the playoffs was the team with the NBA's best record, the Boston Celtics hosting the Atlanta Hawks. Wait, do I see that right, the Atlanta Hawks? Wow! How did that happen?

That reminds me. Today was my first day at my new office. You might be thinking why would I bring this up during a Know Your Team post. Simply, I felt more uncomfortable watching the game last night next to a self-proclaimed Hawks fan (he was from Atlanta) than I did at the office today, since I think I still knew more of my co-workers than he knew Hawks. Nevertheless, both situations involved being around strangers.

Now, this guy at least knew Mike Bibby was the starting point guard, as I thought he quit the league after the NBA gave the Lakers that series over Sacramento in the 2002 season. We all knew Joe Johnson as the big free agent signing from two years ago, Josh Smith for his spectacular dunking ability and overall athleticism (pictured above), Al Horford since he went to UF (we are in Florida, in case you didn't know) and Josh Childress because of his phenomenal afro. We must be pretty smart since we could actually name all 5 the starters.

Wait, Childress doesn't start and Marvin Williams does? So much for being smart. Should have remembered Marvin Williams, since the Hawks took him with the second pick in the 2005 draft over one of the guys listed in the first paragraph. I, however, thought that he was already out of the league.

The remaining players on the team? Ridiculous. The only player other than those listed that played over 12 minutes was the immortal Zaza Pachulia, the 6'11", 280 pound center from the capital of Georgia, Tbilisi. (That's the other Georgia). We also had a Salim Stoudamire sighting. Which makes more sense today than it did last night, when we, aided by some of our respective beverages, all thought that Damon Stoudemire was looking particularly young and spry). Even Acie Law from Texas A & M played a few minutes. I have no idea who the rest of the people are. A look at the roster indicates that they include Mario West, who nobody knew when he was at Georgia Tech, Jeremy Richardson from Delta State and Solomon Jones from South Florida. I am quite certain that I couldn't pick West, Richardson and Jones out of a lineup of the Supremes.

This is even crazier when you look at the Celtics roster, which had 8 players play over 16 minutes, and the remaining 4 included veterans P.J. Brown (who has played in countless postseason series and Eddie House (who once scored 61 in a game at Arizona State) and college stars Tony Allen and Glen Davis.

Generally the team with the best players win, and for this series, the Celtics have the best players 1-12. What they don't have is Josh Childress's hair. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Eastern Conference playoffs.

A Good Mechanic

Like Sinickal, I am a huge fan of the Masters. I have been trying all week to think of a unique angle to discuss and describe this year's tournament, which was much more difficult than I thought given the relatively boring final round. (Watching a boring round at the Masters is still a great way to spend a day!) Now, Trevor Immelman brought that upon himself by shooting a scintillating 3 over par 75 to run away with this year's Masters. OK, that wasn't exactly fair. He did shoot 68, 68, 69 in the first three rounds to run away from the tournament. Even though Tiger finished only 3 shots back, he never actually challenged Immelman. In fact nobody did. No disrespect to Immelman, as he certainly earned his victory, but he was not the story of the weekend.

The story, which most people missed, was Miguel Angel Jimenez. Jimenez, the 20 year veteran from Spain, was one of only three golfers to shoot under par during the final round of the Masters, with a 68. (Nick Watney shot a 71 and Heath Slocum shot a 69). His 4 under par 68 moved Jimenez from a tie for 35th after round 3 all the way into a tie for 8th. Why is this remarkable? Because he was the absolute last player to make the cut after Friday's second round. Since 45 players made the cut, Jimenez played with a marker on Saturday. AND FINISHED 8th!!!

Jimenez made the type of charge that the public was looking for from Woods, Mickelson, or for crying out loud, anybody. Unfortunately, Jimenez was so far back after a first round 5 over par 77, that he was never able to make the top of the leader board. Nevertheless, Jimenez was outstanding on Sunday, and he deserves much credit for his truly amazing round.


Immelman won the Masters, in a convincing manner. He will forever be introduced as a Masters Champion. He will be remembered in the annals of golf as a Masters Champion. However, Jimenez, toiling in relative obscurity, turned in the weekend of the tourney.