NFL Midseason Review

It's midseason in the NFL already (where did the time go), so as a big NFL fan, it is time to analyze each and every team's season to date. Yes, I know it is now week 10, meaning 9 weeks have been completed, but in those 9 weeks, most teams have only played 8 games, thus midseason. So for those of you dorky math majors - don't call or write about the timing of the midseason review. A lot has changed since the quarter season review, so sit back and enjoy. If you are only a marginal fan, use this quick guide to impress your co-workers with your knowledge. If you are a true fan, there is a good chance that you even know more than me, so please refrain from too many negative comments. I did try to throw in at least one subtle joke per team, but some of the teams themselves are jokes enough.

AFC EAST

New England Patriots (9-0)
Wow. I hate them, but they are good. Does anybody push off defensive backs better than Randy Moss? I don't think so. With Seymour starting to round into form and Harrison back from his suspension for cheating, well, they might only get better.

Buffalo Bills (4-4)
Undefeated since my last entry, and the Bills are doing it by staying close, and finding a way to make 1 or 2 more plays than their opponents. Lee Evans seems to be rounding into Pro Bowl form, and Marshawn Lynch might be the best rookie running back. (Just kidding – we KNOW who that is). Lynch is playing well though. Buffalo could make a surprise run at the playoffs, especially since they get to play the Dolphins.

New York Jets (1-8)
Awful. Just bad. How's that Thomas Jones trade working out? Of course, it isn't working out that great for the Bears either.

Miami Dolphins (0-8)
I don't want to waste any time writing about them. With Ronnie Brown out – they are horrendous with a capital WHORE. With Ronnie Brown in – the are still awful.

AFC NORTH

Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2)
Typical good Steelers team. Tough on both sides of the ball, Parker is running well still, and Santonio Holmes is emerging as an elite receiver. (Plus he is from the actual current greatest high school program in the country – Glades Central High School in Belle Glade, Florida. More current NFL players than any other high school). And Harrison had quite possibly the greatest defensive Monday night football game since Lawrence Taylor broke Theismann's leg. What a performance. And he isn't even one of the biggest names on this defense. Going to be a tough out in the playoffs for sure (and yes, I know that is basically a repeat line – don't bother me about it).

Cleveland Browns (5-3)
Undefeated since the quarter season review. Derek Anderson has definitely put up Pro Bowl caliber play (since the NFL allows you to vote for 3 QBs), and Braylon Edwards joins Kellen Winslow, Jr. as a definite soldier on the offense. Plus, Anderson has kept us from seeing Brady Quinn on the field every week. Lack of a consistent running game and horrific defense may keep this team from going places. Next two games (Pittsburgh and Baltimore) could determine how this team ends up.

Baltimore Ravens (4-4)
Boy are they unwatchable on offense. They just got trounced by Pittsburgh, and they are looking old. Willis McGahee is gaining quite a bit of yards considering teams have now started putting 11 in the box to stop him. Steve McNair might as well be Thomas Hearns right now. How on earth does Derrick Mason have 62 receptions - tied for tops in the NFL (see below entry). On defense, Ed Reed is tied for the league lead in interceptions and Ray Lewis is up to 14th in tackles (tied with the immortal Paris Lenon – quick, name what team he is on).

Cincinnati Bengals (2-6)
A team with such a promising offense is absolutely horrible. TJ Houshmandzadeh has actually put up some numbers and is leading the NFL in receptions, but this team is unwatchable, save for Chad Johnson last week. (If you don't know what I am talking about – please go find a story on Cincinnati's week 9 game – and Yes, I am going to hell).

AFC SOUTH

Indianapolis Colts (7-1)
Played New England incredibly close without Marvin Harrison, who was suspended for the game because of Syracuse's opening game throwback jerseys. (I had to throw that in here, sinickal). They play their division games at home and are basically cruising until playoff time. Joseph Addai has cemented himself as a premier back in this league. He can run, catch, and most importantly for the Colts, block, since the Colts do not have to substitute on passing plays. This makes opposing linebackers have to account for his presence coming out of the backfield. Defense is much improved and that Bob Sanders, and the other defensive backs, can bring the pain.

Tennessee Titans (6-2)
Not pretty, but good. Lendale White is putting up decent numbers (and not just in the buffet line), and no matter what his stats are, tell me you wouldn't want the ball in Vince Young's hands at the end of a close game. Albert Haynesworth is playing like a man possessed and he is playing like he wants a new contract. (Oh yeah – he is in his contract year).

Jacksonville Jaguars (5-3)
Quinn Gray? Are you serious. How did that happen? Is he really better than Tim Couch, who was cut in the preseason? The answer to the question who has delivered the hardest hit this season is … "Maurice Jones-Drew". For those that didn't see it, Jacksonville was pounded by New Orleans, who intercepted a pass in the end zone with no time left. (I don't even want to give that clown the benefit of having his name published here). Even though the game was a blowout and he intercepted the ball in the endzone, Clown decided to run it out where he was summarily planted by Jones-Drew. Nice work. What does that say about a team when their running back has the biggest it?

Houston Texans (4-5)
Surprisingly good despite the fact that you can't name 4 Texans on the active roster. (That means you cannot include Andre Johnson). Demeco Ryans is a certifiable bad ass - leading the AFC in tackles. Please vote him into the Pro Bow.

AFC WEST

They all stink. (But go Priest Holmes – for fantasy reasons).

NFC EAST

Dallas Cowboys (7-1)
Big game with the Giants which should determine the division title. Fighting with Green Bay (huh?) for best record in the NFC. Just beating everyone not named New England right now. Explosive team, and actually fun to watch. For those college football fans that think South Florida came out of absolutely nowhere this year, Anthony Henry, tied for the league lead in interceptions, is a Bull.

New York Giants (6-2)
Can someone explain to me how after having 19 sacks in one game, Osi Umenyora only has 8 for the season? That reminds me of how Alex Brown became a three time All-American defensive end at Florida because he had 3 sacks against Tennessee in the third game of his sophomore year and then proceeded to disappear for 2 ¾ seasons. Travesty. (Quick aside – Eli is the only Manning to beat Florida – and he did it twice). Pass rush is excellent, but they still need to shore up their secondary. Plaxico Burress has cooled a little, but he has done a lot to shed his Plexiglass image this year by playing injured, and playing well.

Washington Redskins (5-3)
They might be the best unwatchable team in the NFL. Hard hitting safeties, but other than that – boring, excepting Clinton Portis press conferences, of course.

Philadelphia Eagles (3-5)
You know you are bad when Andy Reid welcomes the attention about his sons to deflect some of the heat of the season. My best guess is that his sons were dealing to customers who were trying to erase any memory of watching the Eagles this year.

NFC NORTH

Green Bay Packers (7-1)
As much as I hate to give any credit to Brett Favre, as I am a Bears fan, he and his receiving corps are doing an excellent job given the fact that the team runs about as well Stephen Hawking. Jennings is truly emerging, and AJ Hawk is actually as good as they hoped he would be.

Detroit Lions (6-2)
Approaching the ten wins that Kitna predicted before the season. Somehow, they might actually be good. Nothing really more to add here.

Minnesota Vikings (3-5)
Adrian Peterson is the truth. The boys at KSK have dubbed him the "Purple Jesus", and that might be the most accurate description. When I named Dwayne Bowe the first quarter Offensive Rookie of the Year, that was primarily because: (1) somebody had to get credit for Kansas City's surprising start; (2) Childress hardly gave him the ball; and (3) it was before his Chicago game and San Diego game. Now, no contest. Defense is actually stouter than expected as well. Venus and Serena Williams as defensive tackles are brilliant.

Chicago Bears (3-5)
Start Adrian Peterson. The other one.

NFC SOUTH

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-4)
Maybe Jon Gruden can coach. Maybe Jeff Garcia can play. Boy would he look good in a Bears jersey right about now. Of course, half of his past romances would look good in (or out) of a Bears jersey also.

Carolina Panthers (4-4)
Vinny Testaverde? Really – they are banking on Vinny Testaverde? Oh yeah, they do have a defense. Big Beast update – now at 61 tackles. Since I just mentioned two Miami guys, it seems like a good time to mention that I will be at the Virginia – Miami game for the finale of the Orange Bowl. Great stadium (for electricity and crowd noise), great history (Super Bowl III – 1984 Orange Bowl – Doug Flutie [the bastard] – the UM/FIU brawl – the Florida Flop [look it up – one of the biggest acts of unsportsmanlike conduct ever] – countless college championships and stars – five Super Bowls – the 1972 Dolphins) and lots of Hispanics. Horrible location, Horrible amenities, NO PARKING. But still fun.

New Orleans Saints (4-4)
4-0 in their last four games, and practically unstoppable on offense. Good thing they don't have that pesky Deuce McCallister in the game to slow them down.

Atlanta Falcons (2-6)
This team is playing like a bunch of dogs.

NFC WEST

Seattle Seahawks (4-4)
How are they leading the division? I mean it. Can someone explain it to me? Please.

Arizona Cardinals (3-5)
If only they could get big games from Fitzgerald AND Boldin at the same time they might have something. Darnell Dockett shining on defense with his 8 sacks. This division is ripe for the taking.

San Francisco 49ers (2-6)
Wasn't this the team that everyone thought was the sleeper. An improved Alex Smith? Gone. Vernon Davis as a threat? Gone. Darrell Jackson as a number 1 receiver? Dropped – I mean Gone. The only redeeming quality on this team is Patrick Willis who is leading the league in tackles. He will be the first rookie to lead the league in tackles since – well, how the hell should I know that.

St. Louis Rams (0-8)
Did Leonard Little drive the team bus?

MID-SEASON AWARDS

Just so you know for each award I will list 3 names. The first will be the choice of us here at We Make It Rain. The second will be the consensus amongst fans, writers, and other authorities, and the third will be who I would love to vote for that award (even though they may only be on the outside looking in). This excludes Most Improved, since who the hell knows what the consensus is for that.

Offensive MVP - Tom Brady (Brady) (Braylon Edwards)

Defensive MVP - Albert Haynesworth (Bob Sanders) (Patrick Willis or Anthony Henry)

Offensive Rookie of the Year – Adrian Peterson (Peterson) (Peterson) (GAME OVER)

Defensive Rookie of the Year – Patrick Willis (Willis) (Willis) – again GAME OVER

Coach of the Year – Romeo Crennel (who cares)

Most Improved - Santonio Holmes