We Make It Rain: October 2007

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, these questions and answers are from the days when 'Hollywood Squares'
game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now.

Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions.

Q. Do female frogs croak??
A. Paul Lynde:If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver (aka Clifford Arquette ): Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.?

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and
you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie : No; wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver : My sense of decency.

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'??
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.?

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather??
A. Paul Lynde : Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.?

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year??
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.?

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A.Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde : Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet??
A. Rose Marie : Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.?

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A.?Marty Allen?: Only after lights out.?

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A.?Paul Lynde?: Make him bark??

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people??
A.Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A.Paul Lynde : Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A.George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.?

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant??
A. Paul Lynde?: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A.Charley Weaver : I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A.Charley Weaver : His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed
A.Paul Lynde : Point and laugh

As anyone who knows us knows - we are huge NFL fans here at We Make It Rain. And like any good NFL fans, we watch more than our share of games every year. This year is no exception. Since we have all of this NFL knowledge just seething to get out of our craniums, here is our analysis of the first quarter of the NFL season. (Yes I know it is week 5, but with the bye weeks starting in week 4, every team did not play their 4th game until Week 5 - but who is counting, besides me). Plus - I apologize in advance for the spacing in the NFC section. For some reason, all of my adjustments revert back to what you see here.

AFC EAST

New England Patriots (5-0)

It is no surprise that the Pats are undefeated and on top of this division. The Patriots had a tremendous offseason that has worked out perfectly, especially with the Wide Receiver corps. The decision to bring in a top flight WR was pure genius. For the first time in Tom Brady's career, he has a go-to receiver that can make plays on his own and really spark an offense. I am sure that Belicheck and company thank their stars every day that they were able to bring in such a presence as Wes Welker to make the offense really go. He is the man that Brady can look to on every down, and he even frees up the other receiver (Randy Moss) because of the double teams he commands. What a player.

Buffalo Bills (1-4)

Five games into the season and the Bills are in second place in the division, right behind the Pats and just ahead of the Jets (because of tiebreakers). If you asked any Bills fan if they would take second place in this division, unless they were delusional, they would have resoundingly responded with a yes. Let's just not bring up the fact that they are 1-4. Although it is only been a couple of games, I do like Trent Edwards' poise to date. They might have found a quarterback.

New York Jets (1-4)

It's time for Clemens. Period. As for the defense, every time I see Vilma play, I am more impressed. With (no) apologies to Penn State fans - Vilma is one reason why "The U" is the actual Linebacker U. (Note - I might be a little biased as the 'Canes are my favorite college football team, even though I, like the majority of Miami fans, never went to school there).

Miami Dolphins (0-5)

Daunte Culpepper is really starting to show that he has recovered from his knee injury and that he can really stretch defenses by throwing the ball downfield. Too bad he is doing it for the Raiders. It does look as if the Dolphins have found their Quarterback of the Future, though. No, not Cleo Lemon. "Ladies and Gentlemen, with the first pick of the 2008 NFL draft, the Miami Dolphins select, Brady Quinn." Oh, we should have drafted him last year? OK - we will take Brian Brohm. On a positive note, Ronnie Brown is looking better than Cadillac Williams and Cedric Benson, combined.

AFC NORTH

Pittsburgh Steelers (4-1)

This team seems to be playing with a purpose under Mike Timlin in middle relief. I do like the way Willie Parker is running, plus he is leading the NFL in rushing yards. Sure he fumbles from time-to-time, but he is no Cleveland Gary. (Ed. Note - actual football history sometimes involved in this season review). Plus Santonio Holmes is really maturing into a great receiver. With this defense, Pittsburgh will be a tough out in the playoffs for anyone.

Baltimore Ravens (3-2)

Everyone's favorite playoff sleeper, Baltimore is a mere shadow of itself. Ray Lewis is only 31st in tackles with 35, and Steve McNair is playing like he is 135. This team needs to really step up and make some plays to stay in the playoff hunt, with so many young teams knocking at the door.

Cleveland Browns (2-3)

For a bad team, the are actually playing exciting ball. Braylon Edwards is fourth in the NFL in receiving yards to date, while he and Kellen Winslow, Jr. both have 24 catches. Of course, they had the benefit of playing against Cincinnati's defense, which obviously helps.

Cincinnati Bengals (1-3)

Can't stop anybody. Yes the passing game is explosive, but until Johnson and Houshmandzadeh start playing corner, this team is done.

AFC SOUTH

Indianapolis Colts (5-0)

Undefeated, and the defense is playing very tough. I wouldn't want to have to game plan against this offense AND this defense right now. Anthony Gonzalez seems to have fit right into the 3rd receiver slot without a hitch, and that normally spells trouble. However, this division is still looking tougher than most, so the Colts are going to have to give their all during every game. Perhaps they might be worn down by the time the playoffs come around.

Tennessee Titans (3-1)

Vince Young is now the second most exciting player in the NFL (behind Devin Hester). He is one of those players that is going to be overlooked by everyone in a couple of years because the hype will have worn down and he doesn't put up those super fantasy numbers. All of the dorky fantasy players will keep knocking Vince for guys like Jon Kitna - who put up fantastic numbers, but aren't necessarily great quarterbacks. (By "dorky" I mean the fantasy players who don't actually watch the games - not the fantasy players who do watch and understand the games). Vince just knows how and when to take control. Plus, he is untackleable. Watch him scramble sometime. With him, it isn't about pure speed, but rather body control and angles. He almost never takes a hit. Amazing.

Jacksonville Jaguars (3-1)

It's amazing how this team does it. Garrard has really shown that he deserves to start in the NFL. No real wide receivers, 2 running backs - at least until the inevitable Fred Taylor injury - and a hard hitting defense. I think I have seen this recipe before.

Houston Texans (3-2)

It's amazing what a change can make. Even though Ahman Green is a shadow of his former self, he is still an NFL caliber player, and Matt Schaub is just much more poised than David Carr. The Texans are 3-2 without Andre Johnson, their primary receiver. When he comes back, this team might be outright dangerous. On defense, the Mario Williams pick is looking like it will pay some dividends, and Demeco Ryans might be the steal of that 2006 draft. Plus, what a kicking clinic Kris Brown put on against the Dolphins.

AFC WEST

Oakland Raiders (2-2)

This team is in first place? Really? LaMont Jordan played amazingly prior to his injury against the Dolphins. Culpepper has made it unnecessary to worry about JaMarcus Russell as of yet, and the defense was actually good last year - when the rest of the team was horrible. With San Diego looming, it is going to be difficult to make the playoffs, but this team is a Mike Shanahan timeout away from being 3-1 right now. I do want to give a shout out to my man Sebas (that is Sebastian Janikowski for all of you that don't understand the reference). See you in March and looking forward to a great time!

San Diego Chargers (2-3)

Too much talent to not make a run, and if they were not in the AFC West, they would have no margin of error. If they lose a couple of close games that turn on a big play or missed call or some other seemingly minor detail, San Diego could be in trouble. As of now - still going in as the AFC West champions.

Denver Broncos (2-3)

The only problem Travis Henry has with coming over to the Broncos is that he doesn't get to run against this defense. No telling how many yards he could have smoked up if he could just run against the Broncos. Right now he has at least a one month reprieve. Expect the Broncos to ride him until the inevitable suspension starts. No word if the GM has started to sign any of his progeny to the practice squad yet.

Kansas City Chiefs (2-3)

Just awful, just like the Royals. At least Kansas City has its steak and barbecue.

NFC EAST

Dallas Cowboys (5-0)

Apparently they are playing some sort of big game this weekend. I don't trust this team to be that strong. Romo is very exciting, but makes mistakes. Crayton is coming along great as a second receiver, but what happens when Glenn returns? Secondary scares me if I am a Cowboys fan. Flozell Adams leads the league in false start penalties. Definitely playoff bound, but looks like a team that can be upset in one of the first two rounds of the playoffs.

Washington Redskins (3-1)

A very intriguing 3-1 team. They are playing much better than they should be on paper. Campbell is maturing nicely, and Cooley might be the most important tight end in the league (after all, Gates is playing with Tomlinson). So long as Campbell continues to improve and the defense plays tough, this team could make the playoffs.

New York Giants (3-2)

Another intriguing team. They can sometimes play so good, and sometimes play incredibly bad. I don't think this team will make it to the playoffs though, since their secondary is suspect. With apologies to Randy Moss, Plaxico Burress might be having the best season of any Wide Receiver, in turns of impact and big plays. Eli Manning is still remarkably inconsistent, although he seems to be improving. It may take a year or two for this team to contend, and they really need to find a solid running back before then.

Philadelphia Eagles (1-3)

This is a team that has underperformed this year. Westbrook might be more valuable to his team than any other player. McNabb saved his best game for after his diatribe, however, it would be hard to have 12 more diatribes taken seriously. This seems to be a team in decline, albeit a dangerous team to take lightly.

NFC NORTH

Green Bay Packers (4-1)

It is amazing how a team with this bad of a running game has this good of a record. Favre is having a phenomenal season to date, but the turnovers in the Chicago game are a question mark. Chicago has been outstanding in forcing turnovers, so perhaps the Bears just need a little credit, rather than blaming Green Bay. Packers are looking great for a playoff spot, though, the only question being can they hold off the Lions and Bears for the division title.

Detroit Lions (3-2-20)

Twenty is the apparent number of conversions that Kitna has made since coming to the team. He has a number of offensive weapons, and that Ernie Sims is one bad mother, shut yo mouth. When he was at Florida State, he flew around with such reckless abandon, I thought he was going to literally kill someone on the field. Quite possibly himself. Although I think he is going to have a short shelf life as a player, he is incredibly fun to watch while he is playing. Offensive players especially need to watch out for him.

Chicago Bears (2-3)

Rex Grossman sucks. Brian Griese is just a more poised Rex Grossman. Still, Hester is a threat every time he touches the ball, and this defense can generate turnovers and points. Lance Briggs might be the best outside linebacker in the game right now. He simply makes plays all over the field. G-Reg is one to look out for.

Minnesota Vikings (1-3)

Even though he may be the best Tarvaris in NFL history, I am not sure that he is the answer. Peterson looks like the real deal, but he hasn't finished a season since pee-wee football. Not sure I would invest a lot of time with this team.

NFC SOUTH

Carolina Panthers (3-2)

Jon Beason is another example of why "The U" is the true Linebacker U (and Dan Morgan as well). 36 tackles and still coming into his own. He is also a member of the famed Seventh Floor Crew! Vinny Testaverde is an interesting choice, but the one thing he could always do was throw a deep ball and Steve Smith can definitely run to get those. Unfortunately, Smith might have to chase down the defensive backs that Vinny throws to. If they weren't in the NFC South, I would say the Panthers would not make the playoffs, however, this is not a stellar division.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-2)

Surprisingly good right now, although injuries are starting to play an important role. How quickly can they adjust? Derrick Brooks is still playing at an extremely high level. He is absolutely in control in every game he plays. Sapp may have received most of the accolades, and the DE's may have received all of the sacks on those old Bucs teams, but this guy was, and is, simply - GOOD!

Atlanta Falcons (1-4)

Joey Harrington. 'Nuff said.

New Orleans Saints (0-4)

They do not seem to be as exciting as they were last year. Perhaps they were a little overrated based upon last seasons' performance, but they just don't look the same. Offensively, not as creative. Of course, I believe a lot of that was based upon Deuce running the ball, which would set up all of the cute passes to Bush in open space and the crossing routes to Colston. Without the former, it might be more difficult for the latter. Even when the Deuce was healthy, he didn't seem to get as many touches as last year. I think coaches get too much credit and too much blame generally, but I think Payton and his offensive coaches definitely need to re-examine their game plans. As for the defense, I never thought they were very good last year.

NFC WEST

Arizona Cardinals (3-2)

Arizona has always been where old folks go to retire. I guess that explains Kurt Warner. If Dansby and the defense can step up a bit, this team could be playoff bound with Edge, Fitzlarry and the best Anquan ever providing offensive firepower.

Seattle Seahawks (3-2)

Alexander and Hasselback seem a few years removed from their respective bests, and this team seems to be on a downturn. Alexander is only averaging 3.7 yards/carry, and he seems to have lost some of his explosiveness. In this division, still a possibility for the playoffs, but not for too much longer barring necessary additions. Lofa Tatupu is a much better player than Mosi, but as

of yet, nobody has yelled his name out when worshipping Marge Simpson's hair.

San Francisco 49ers (2-3)

Still a young up-and-coming team. At some point that has to change to a team that is already here. Patrick Willis is a rookie showing some signs of greatness. Alex Smith's injury isn't going to help his development.

St. Louis Rams (0-5)

Gus Frerotte and Brian Leonard. If Ronnie Brown keeps playing like he has, the Rams may receive the number 1 pick.

QUARTER SEASON AWARDS

Offensive MVP - Tom Brady

Defensive MVP - Lance Briggs

Offensive Rookie of the Year - Dwayne Bowe

Defensive Rookie of the Year - Patrick Willis

Coach of the Year - Jack Del Rio, John Fox, Layne Kiffen

Most Improved - Ronnie Brown